In my session with Susan a few weeks back, I told her I was feeling discouraged about the online stuff. I was definitely bummed by the "What did he die of?" question, but who's not gong to ask that??!! Like, I said, it's how to tell the boys from the men. But, I'm not one to deny my feelings...I say what I'm feeling, especially, to my love coach.
Of course, feeling discouraged is definitely not where I want to live! Okay, visit...but not live. Her response? "GET OVER IT! One out of 12 are the odds for being a keeper for the program of 3 and you're gong to have to go through a lot of toads." She goes on, "This dating business is almost a full-time gig. It's a little exhausting. Emotionally, you're up, you're down. You have to develop a shield. That question is a vetting question. It's almost a gift to get rid of them and find someone else. It's a chore for most people to keep going through it. Sometimes, you just need a break for awhile. Look on page 219 in The Love in 90 Days book and do Exercise 3."
Write a letter to yourself that is meant to be read when you are experiencing the one step back and are feeling hopeless or low. Encourage yourself to feel painful, angry, sad or scary feelings and to make the right moves anyway. Give yourself the big zigzag picture of growth.
I don't know. I just can't get into it. The truth is I never actually feel hopeless. Only one time in my life have I felt that and that wasn't even when my husband died. It was when my son was a complete horse's ass in high school and college and I was convinced his risky behavior was going to result in tragedy. I just didn't want to stay around to witness that. But, there was just too much at stake to be selfish. My God, I was a single parent, school administrator, soccer mom, community activist. I was supposed to be helping other people parent. So I plodded along giving myself mental pep talks trying to desperately believe everything would be fine. And, it was after seven tumultuous years. There were a lot of days that I was cursing my late husband...how is it that you got the good years with the kids and I get the terrible teenage years??!!
But, I digress. I ask Susan to look at my profile and tell me what she thinks. "I'm going to have Dr. Diana look at them and make some suggestions."
OMG!! THE DR. DIANA?! This is a bit intimidating to me but that's what I'm paying the big bucks for, right? So, here's what I got.
1. I would like her to color her hair. The style is very youthful, but she needs color. (Not gonna happen. I spent years at the salon, done with that. Natural all the way. However, the guys I'm seeing? They color their hair. Mulling...)
2. She needs new head shots with a red scoop top, eye contact, smile. (Red scoop top? I love that picture in my Mexican peasant blouse, very colorful. Mulling...)
3. She needs a photo that shows her slender figure to good advantage. (Now, we're talking...right next to that sexy blue Solara convertible.)
4. Her screen name, Life Dancer, is a bit too New Age. How about Spirited Beauty? (I am New Age, looking for New Age. Plus, I have no clue about how to change it online.)
5. She should change her age to under 60 and open it up to men up to age 72. (My friends know I'm already lying about my age. 72? Are you kidding me? More mulling...)
She goes on to wordsmith my profile. I decide the woman is brilliant and I go straight online and cut my words and paste hers.
"Some people call me a free spirit. I will surprise you--it will not be dull! Friends and family love me because they say I am loyal, generous, kind and fun loving. I am a slender, physically fit retired educator/administrator having the time of my life! Worked like a dog so I could play now. Enjoy concerts, movies, theatre, going to sports events, playing bridge, traveling, the beach, hiking, writing, reading, working out several times a week. Want to explore new areas and ideas. Last year, I waterskied for the first time in 40 years--exhilarating! Were my kids in shock! I love an adventure, whether it be far away or right next door. Adventure is a state of mind BUT just in case, I have a freshly minted passport and some bug spray.
I am looking for someone who is wonderful. The way wonderful looks may be in many different looking packages. Easy-going, fit and fun, with a streak of kindness, more than a dash of humor and a definite sense of integrity are important characteristics."
And then I go away for 5 days and decide not to look at any online dating stuff.
No comments:
Post a Comment