This just in from one of my clever high school pals...who insists he does not want to be identified!
He's a muckety muck down South who has a sterling reputation to uphold. He has no problem having me identified with it, since there's no danger in me ruining my name...no need to comment further here.
There once was a pervert
named Weiner
Who had a perverted
demeanor
Forced from the Hill
For acting like Bill
Now Congress is one
Weiner leaner.
Get it?? One Weiner leaner? That's rich. Think about this when you're roasting weiners at your BBQs this weekend.
Attn: High School Buddies
I'm taking a poll....who wrote it???
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Who is Sammy?
Sammy's still in town. He invites me to his cabin for lunch and a hike followed by dinner at the Strasburg Inn. I don't tell my kids....MOM, he could be the killer on Match.com!!! I can hear them now. But, I checked out his credentials...he seems to be on the up and up.
I agree to go, then spend the entire therapy session with Susan on Sammy.
"I don't know, Susan. We have that escaping small town life in common but I never feel he gets into his personal stuff. Oh, yeah, I know he had two wives, how long his marriages lasted, he has two daughters and a grandson. He tells me he bought season tickets for the ballet, while his wife had tix for the Miami Dolphins. There's just been no real warmth. One rather awkward hug. On the one hand, I'm happy because I don't want to move fast, but, on the other hand, I'm puzzled."
"Well, if you like him enough, you may as well start turning up the heat. His AIDS conversation shows he has mensch qualities. (Translation: Stand Up Guy) He's capable of giving you a ton of information. He's asking you questions, throw the ball back in his court. He needs to be questioned. Come right out with it. He's okay company, what do you have to lose?"
"I'm worried about seeing him again. Way too many hours together, I think. Lunch, hike, dinner."
"He's hosting so you may see him in a different light. Hiking provides a chance for chatting. Ask him why his relationships ended. What was the difference between the first marriage and the second? What did he learn from them? How did it impact who is now? When you asked him about your small town-ness, did you ask him the same?"
"Yes. He talked about it with humor...his progression from juvenile delinquent to psychology professor. But, he never gets into the relationship stuff. How do I ask?"
Susan (playing me): "So when is a good time to start asking you personal questions?"
Me (playing Sammy): "What do you mean? What kind of personal questions?"
Susan (me): "Well, since you're providing me with a meal, maybe a hike would be a better time to talk to you about the relationships you've had."
Me (Sammy): "Ooohhhhhh."
Susan (me): "I really don't want to venture into anything that is too uncomfortable." (Now, he's on the spot.)
Me (Sammy): "No, I can deal with it. What do you want to know."
Susan (me): "How did they end? How were they different from each other? What did you learn? What in those relationships helped form you and where are you today?"
"I wouldn't go any deeper. If he sidesteps, you need to explore that. You could ask him what drew him to these women? Generally, men find it's comfortable to talk about that. They can easily talk about the beginning stages of their relationships. It opens the door to hearing about where it went from there. What was the turning point? What kind of energy is connected with the loss?"
"Susan, I'm not really feeling one way or the other...just neutral. I'm fading out. I'm feeling his days are numbered. I'm just floating on the tide right now."
"There must be depth there and maybe this is the way he needs to present himself in the early dating stage. You've let him know you have a lot of fire and he's obviously attracted to that."
"But, where's the fire in him?"
"I wouldn't even mince any words with him. He needs to be taking your elbow on the fourth date or brushing against you when he's helping you in and out of your seat. If he doesn't know how to do that at his age, pointing it out doesn't hurt. It would be useful information for him. I might be trying to talk you out of this date if something hot was developing, but he's in a tepid zone. It's time to step up his game or not. It's time for you to ask the questions. I think he'll rise to the occasion, because he's in the psychology field. He's attracted to you and, yet, he hasn't been able to touch you in a way that lets you know he's interested. He needs to be able to say, i think I'm a little backward when it comes to pursuing women."
"And, i say, no surprise...duh. 'So, are you trying to tell me you would like to be a little more forward?' I haven't even told him I'm seeing other men because he's made no moves on me."
"You say to him, 'You're seemingly a little reticent to take my hand or touch me in any way. What is going on there? Do you think that would bother me?'"
So, I went to the cabin in the woods. Not for lunch, mid-afternoon. No hike, forest was too wet from the morning shower. Not even going to describe the cabin...suffice it to say, it was not charming. Lovely dinner at the inn.
I didn't ask him one question. Ended with another awkward hug.
I can't blame him. The operative statement from Susan was, "If you like him enough, you may as well start turning up the heat."
I don't really. I am in love.
I agree to go, then spend the entire therapy session with Susan on Sammy.
"I don't know, Susan. We have that escaping small town life in common but I never feel he gets into his personal stuff. Oh, yeah, I know he had two wives, how long his marriages lasted, he has two daughters and a grandson. He tells me he bought season tickets for the ballet, while his wife had tix for the Miami Dolphins. There's just been no real warmth. One rather awkward hug. On the one hand, I'm happy because I don't want to move fast, but, on the other hand, I'm puzzled."
"Well, if you like him enough, you may as well start turning up the heat. His AIDS conversation shows he has mensch qualities. (Translation: Stand Up Guy) He's capable of giving you a ton of information. He's asking you questions, throw the ball back in his court. He needs to be questioned. Come right out with it. He's okay company, what do you have to lose?"
"I'm worried about seeing him again. Way too many hours together, I think. Lunch, hike, dinner."
"He's hosting so you may see him in a different light. Hiking provides a chance for chatting. Ask him why his relationships ended. What was the difference between the first marriage and the second? What did he learn from them? How did it impact who is now? When you asked him about your small town-ness, did you ask him the same?"
"Yes. He talked about it with humor...his progression from juvenile delinquent to psychology professor. But, he never gets into the relationship stuff. How do I ask?"
Susan (playing me): "So when is a good time to start asking you personal questions?"
Me (playing Sammy): "What do you mean? What kind of personal questions?"
Susan (me): "Well, since you're providing me with a meal, maybe a hike would be a better time to talk to you about the relationships you've had."
Me (Sammy): "Ooohhhhhh."
Susan (me): "I really don't want to venture into anything that is too uncomfortable." (Now, he's on the spot.)
Me (Sammy): "No, I can deal with it. What do you want to know."
Susan (me): "How did they end? How were they different from each other? What did you learn? What in those relationships helped form you and where are you today?"
"I wouldn't go any deeper. If he sidesteps, you need to explore that. You could ask him what drew him to these women? Generally, men find it's comfortable to talk about that. They can easily talk about the beginning stages of their relationships. It opens the door to hearing about where it went from there. What was the turning point? What kind of energy is connected with the loss?"
"Susan, I'm not really feeling one way or the other...just neutral. I'm fading out. I'm feeling his days are numbered. I'm just floating on the tide right now."
"There must be depth there and maybe this is the way he needs to present himself in the early dating stage. You've let him know you have a lot of fire and he's obviously attracted to that."
"But, where's the fire in him?"
"I wouldn't even mince any words with him. He needs to be taking your elbow on the fourth date or brushing against you when he's helping you in and out of your seat. If he doesn't know how to do that at his age, pointing it out doesn't hurt. It would be useful information for him. I might be trying to talk you out of this date if something hot was developing, but he's in a tepid zone. It's time to step up his game or not. It's time for you to ask the questions. I think he'll rise to the occasion, because he's in the psychology field. He's attracted to you and, yet, he hasn't been able to touch you in a way that lets you know he's interested. He needs to be able to say, i think I'm a little backward when it comes to pursuing women."
"And, i say, no surprise...duh. 'So, are you trying to tell me you would like to be a little more forward?' I haven't even told him I'm seeing other men because he's made no moves on me."
"You say to him, 'You're seemingly a little reticent to take my hand or touch me in any way. What is going on there? Do you think that would bother me?'"
So, I went to the cabin in the woods. Not for lunch, mid-afternoon. No hike, forest was too wet from the morning shower. Not even going to describe the cabin...suffice it to say, it was not charming. Lovely dinner at the inn.
I didn't ask him one question. Ended with another awkward hug.
I can't blame him. The operative statement from Susan was, "If you like him enough, you may as well start turning up the heat."
I don't really. I am in love.
I Love Lucy
My sister, Lucy, called me last night. Quite early for her...she lives in Denver and usually calls me after 10 my time and wants to talk a minimum of two hours. After 10, I have nothing to say, essentially, in a vegetative state. I had only had four hours sleep the night before and had just gotten back from a rendezvous that required a two hour drive home. I walked in at 8:30 and Lucy's number appeared on my iPhone. I briefly toyed with not answering it, but it was early and she had been trying to get in touch with me for over a week, so I took a deep breath and answered.
Wondering why I was hesitant? I admit I rarely speak with my siblings. There are usually only two reasons they call: 1) money and 2) getting information for my mother so she can add fuel to the berating fire.
This call was slightly different but I don't rule out #2. My sister wanted to know if I had said she was lazy and couldn't keep a job. Laughable, completely laughable. This exactly why I don't ever weigh in on the family gossip. It comes back to haunt me EVEN WHEN I DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!
I haven't seen my sister in four years. I met her in 2007 at my mother's house in North Carolina and whisked her away to Hilton Head Island. She hadn't had a vacation in decades and this didn't figure to be much of one for her either. At the time, she was doing PR work for a local governmental agency; they called her at least 10 times a day.
The year before, she was invited to my older daughter's wedding on Jekyll Island, Georgia. Oh, the drama....is she coming or isn't she?? It was all about the job. She wanted to but she didn't think they would let her. So, we didn't know until she actually walked down the aisle slightly ahead of the bride.
Two months after her 'vacation' to Hilton Head, she was fired. She was 'too expensive' for them...downsizing had begun and she was one of its first victims. Hasn't had a full time job since. This is not someone without skills...she is an outstanding writer and very talented artist. She was employed by Newsweek; she's worked for Colorado's major newspapers; she's been a major player in several local and state political campaigns.
For four years, she's been doing free lance work, trying to eke out a living. Every cent of her retirement went into desperately trying to save her house in Colorado Springs. Gone, gone, gone. Lost to foreclosure. Now, she's living in an apartment in Denver; her daughter hasn't been able to finish college.
Trust me, this is not a lazy person. She's been scrambling all of life. I ask her the background on the comment that was attributed to me. My mother had been in Florida visiting and said it came from one of my cousins. This particular cousin has no idea about Lucy's work history and hasn't talked to her in decades. When she asked my mother where he would get this from, she said it was from ME?!
This is what my mother does. She pits her children against each other. It foments division. There's no trust among us. My sister and brother need my mother so she can rescue them financially. There are always strings, but they are inheriting her house.
I'm inheriting my freedom.
Tennessee Williams, eat your heart out!!!
Wondering why I was hesitant? I admit I rarely speak with my siblings. There are usually only two reasons they call: 1) money and 2) getting information for my mother so she can add fuel to the berating fire.
This call was slightly different but I don't rule out #2. My sister wanted to know if I had said she was lazy and couldn't keep a job. Laughable, completely laughable. This exactly why I don't ever weigh in on the family gossip. It comes back to haunt me EVEN WHEN I DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!
I haven't seen my sister in four years. I met her in 2007 at my mother's house in North Carolina and whisked her away to Hilton Head Island. She hadn't had a vacation in decades and this didn't figure to be much of one for her either. At the time, she was doing PR work for a local governmental agency; they called her at least 10 times a day.
The year before, she was invited to my older daughter's wedding on Jekyll Island, Georgia. Oh, the drama....is she coming or isn't she?? It was all about the job. She wanted to but she didn't think they would let her. So, we didn't know until she actually walked down the aisle slightly ahead of the bride.
Two months after her 'vacation' to Hilton Head, she was fired. She was 'too expensive' for them...downsizing had begun and she was one of its first victims. Hasn't had a full time job since. This is not someone without skills...she is an outstanding writer and very talented artist. She was employed by Newsweek; she's worked for Colorado's major newspapers; she's been a major player in several local and state political campaigns.
For four years, she's been doing free lance work, trying to eke out a living. Every cent of her retirement went into desperately trying to save her house in Colorado Springs. Gone, gone, gone. Lost to foreclosure. Now, she's living in an apartment in Denver; her daughter hasn't been able to finish college.
Trust me, this is not a lazy person. She's been scrambling all of life. I ask her the background on the comment that was attributed to me. My mother had been in Florida visiting and said it came from one of my cousins. This particular cousin has no idea about Lucy's work history and hasn't talked to her in decades. When she asked my mother where he would get this from, she said it was from ME?!
This is what my mother does. She pits her children against each other. It foments division. There's no trust among us. My sister and brother need my mother so she can rescue them financially. There are always strings, but they are inheriting her house.
I'm inheriting my freedom.
Tennessee Williams, eat your heart out!!!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
His 6 Secret Sex Spots!!????
In light of all the recent cheating scandals involving men...need I remind you? Ahhnold the Governator...Weiner...there seems to be a proliferation of articles and columns talking about female infidelity. It's on the rise, evidently.
I guess women are more clever or don't have the need to get caught flashing their genitals across the world or maybe they're more subtle. Maybe they just have more to lose...who knows? But, it's rare that we're reading about them, except maybe in the National Enquirer. Ohhhh, that's right, Oprah and Gayle. That's how men denigrate women's friendships. They couldn't possible be having that much fun or be that close without being sexual.
But, I'm not a male basher. I love men. Some of my best friends are male...heard that line before? I just never went through the male-hating stage. Yeah, I'm a feminist, belonged to the National Organization of Women, rode the Freedom Train to Springfield, Illinois to fight for the Equal Rights Amendment, but that train ride turned me totally against the man-haters. Instead of applauding the smattering of men who rode with us to support the cause, they were ridiculed and baited. Awful. Not good manners, ladies!!
Some of these recent columns on women cheating say it's a form of empowerment. It gives them power in their relationships. Really? Sure, for years it was true that men often had the upper hand or more power in a relationship. But, what did we ever have a women's movement for? To be able to cheat like men? To me, empowerment has less to do with sex and much more to do with being true to ourselves.
I abhor Cosmo. The whole premise of this magazine is to sexually please the man. You would think this is a woman's entire purpose in life. I couldn't even get this month's edition in the local library, it was so over the top. This month's cover stories? "His 6 Secret Sex Spots: Master Your Guy's Biggest Below the Belt Pleasure Triggers" and "Talking Tricks that Draw Him In" and "What Men Crave in July"...I kid you not!!!
I just don't get it. I know I'm in a minority. I always had the power. I had the power to stay, the power to leave, the power to love someone else should I choose.
I have the power to choose a healthy relationship with balance. I don't always want to be on top and I don't relish the bottom. I want a man who's not threatened by my openness.
I do agree with the premise that women cheat not because they're looking for the greatest sex, but because they're looking for someone they are emotionally connected to...someone who understands them better than their current partner. Completely different for a man. You know what they're looking for...more sex, more variety, more thrills. Generally, not true for a woman.
It's the whole Venus-Mars gap...relationship vs. physical want. Of course, this does not apply to all men. I have had great love relationships that were mutually satisfying. And, I've been fortunate enough to have seen amazing marriages. It's just the numbers...more men cheat. No judgment here...just the facts.
And I will also admit that I've been the Mars partner. I was reckless. As I was ever the rebel plowing through all the taboos to find my truer self. Confronting fear and mowing it down.
Empowerment? I don't think there's room for power games in a soul connection. To cheat just because you can? Doesn't help me get to my higher self.
I guess women are more clever or don't have the need to get caught flashing their genitals across the world or maybe they're more subtle. Maybe they just have more to lose...who knows? But, it's rare that we're reading about them, except maybe in the National Enquirer. Ohhhh, that's right, Oprah and Gayle. That's how men denigrate women's friendships. They couldn't possible be having that much fun or be that close without being sexual.
But, I'm not a male basher. I love men. Some of my best friends are male...heard that line before? I just never went through the male-hating stage. Yeah, I'm a feminist, belonged to the National Organization of Women, rode the Freedom Train to Springfield, Illinois to fight for the Equal Rights Amendment, but that train ride turned me totally against the man-haters. Instead of applauding the smattering of men who rode with us to support the cause, they were ridiculed and baited. Awful. Not good manners, ladies!!
Some of these recent columns on women cheating say it's a form of empowerment. It gives them power in their relationships. Really? Sure, for years it was true that men often had the upper hand or more power in a relationship. But, what did we ever have a women's movement for? To be able to cheat like men? To me, empowerment has less to do with sex and much more to do with being true to ourselves.
I abhor Cosmo. The whole premise of this magazine is to sexually please the man. You would think this is a woman's entire purpose in life. I couldn't even get this month's edition in the local library, it was so over the top. This month's cover stories? "His 6 Secret Sex Spots: Master Your Guy's Biggest Below the Belt Pleasure Triggers" and "Talking Tricks that Draw Him In" and "What Men Crave in July"...I kid you not!!!
I just don't get it. I know I'm in a minority. I always had the power. I had the power to stay, the power to leave, the power to love someone else should I choose.
I have the power to choose a healthy relationship with balance. I don't always want to be on top and I don't relish the bottom. I want a man who's not threatened by my openness.
I do agree with the premise that women cheat not because they're looking for the greatest sex, but because they're looking for someone they are emotionally connected to...someone who understands them better than their current partner. Completely different for a man. You know what they're looking for...more sex, more variety, more thrills. Generally, not true for a woman.
It's the whole Venus-Mars gap...relationship vs. physical want. Of course, this does not apply to all men. I have had great love relationships that were mutually satisfying. And, I've been fortunate enough to have seen amazing marriages. It's just the numbers...more men cheat. No judgment here...just the facts.
And I will also admit that I've been the Mars partner. I was reckless. As I was ever the rebel plowing through all the taboos to find my truer self. Confronting fear and mowing it down.
Empowerment? I don't think there's room for power games in a soul connection. To cheat just because you can? Doesn't help me get to my higher self.
A++
What would you think if you saw this at the top of a guy's profile?
"An Aquarian, who's Adventurous, Amorous, Amatory, Aesthete, Athletic, Ablaze, Animated, Adoring, Attractive, Audacious, Ardent, Affectionate, Active, Agile, Admiring, Affable, Altruistic, Able, Adept, Adroit, Adaptable, Adjustable, Amenable, Appreciative, Approving, Accomplished, and Alive"
ARROGANT?? But, I write, "too good to be true." Mainly, as a joke, but he writes back, "yes, that's why I'm still single." Not kidding.
This was my intro to The Big Kahuna, who you know was not 'big' at all. I saw him once...not unpleasant...not exciting, though. But, I followed Susan's advice, "You have to see him at least twice." So, I do. We eat Thai and go to the new Woody Allen movie.
We have two hours to kill before the movie...the longest two hours of my life. I couldn't get a decent conversation going with him even after a glass of red wine (for my health, of course).
We covered the weather, the traffic, his first marriage (his ex got the apartment in Manhattan, which he is still so pissed about 20 years later), kids, grandkids, golf. I'm looking up at the A words...NOT Adventurous, Athletic, Ablaze (!!??), Animated, Audacious (except to try to kiss me on the street...that was Audacious! I looked at him like he had two heads...mmmm...think about that).
Finally, he pays and we go to the movie. I love Woody Allen and this was vintage Woody. What I saw of it...I fell asleep about 30 minutes into it. I just can't do the late show anymore...or maybe I was in a sleeper state from Kahuna and couldn't take any stimulation.
He's waiting for my email.
Killed Harley Guy off last weekend, too. Weeks ago, we decided to get together on Sunday afternoon. He would email me with some options since I would be up that way for my kids' triathlon anyway. No email until two days before. Sorry, Harley, made other plans. Profuse apologies from him. This guy's way too hard to get anything going with. No bike ride for me!
Sammy's back for a couple of weeks. Dinner and the theatre...5 emails from him about what his proper dress should be. Of course, he hit horrible traffic on the Washington Beltway and was over an hour late so I met my friend, Kelly, for happy hour. She's a school principal, one of my former colleagues, and it was her last day of school, so I knew she'd already started her happy hour!!!
He arrived, she ducked out and we relaxed into a vibrant conversation about small town childhoods...how did you escape? he wants to know. That's his story, too. He regales me with his years of juvenile delinquency and relegation to the academic slow track. Now, that begs the question, how did you escape??
Adventurous. Animated, Audacious, Accomplished and Alive. That's Sammy.
"An Aquarian, who's Adventurous, Amorous, Amatory, Aesthete, Athletic, Ablaze, Animated, Adoring, Attractive, Audacious, Ardent, Affectionate, Active, Agile, Admiring, Affable, Altruistic, Able, Adept, Adroit, Adaptable, Adjustable, Amenable, Appreciative, Approving, Accomplished, and Alive"
ARROGANT?? But, I write, "too good to be true." Mainly, as a joke, but he writes back, "yes, that's why I'm still single." Not kidding.
This was my intro to The Big Kahuna, who you know was not 'big' at all. I saw him once...not unpleasant...not exciting, though. But, I followed Susan's advice, "You have to see him at least twice." So, I do. We eat Thai and go to the new Woody Allen movie.
We have two hours to kill before the movie...the longest two hours of my life. I couldn't get a decent conversation going with him even after a glass of red wine (for my health, of course).
We covered the weather, the traffic, his first marriage (his ex got the apartment in Manhattan, which he is still so pissed about 20 years later), kids, grandkids, golf. I'm looking up at the A words...NOT Adventurous, Athletic, Ablaze (!!??), Animated, Audacious (except to try to kiss me on the street...that was Audacious! I looked at him like he had two heads...mmmm...think about that).
Finally, he pays and we go to the movie. I love Woody Allen and this was vintage Woody. What I saw of it...I fell asleep about 30 minutes into it. I just can't do the late show anymore...or maybe I was in a sleeper state from Kahuna and couldn't take any stimulation.
He's waiting for my email.
Killed Harley Guy off last weekend, too. Weeks ago, we decided to get together on Sunday afternoon. He would email me with some options since I would be up that way for my kids' triathlon anyway. No email until two days before. Sorry, Harley, made other plans. Profuse apologies from him. This guy's way too hard to get anything going with. No bike ride for me!
Sammy's back for a couple of weeks. Dinner and the theatre...5 emails from him about what his proper dress should be. Of course, he hit horrible traffic on the Washington Beltway and was over an hour late so I met my friend, Kelly, for happy hour. She's a school principal, one of my former colleagues, and it was her last day of school, so I knew she'd already started her happy hour!!!
He arrived, she ducked out and we relaxed into a vibrant conversation about small town childhoods...how did you escape? he wants to know. That's his story, too. He regales me with his years of juvenile delinquency and relegation to the academic slow track. Now, that begs the question, how did you escape??
Adventurous. Animated, Audacious, Accomplished and Alive. That's Sammy.
Irony
I'm reading a book, a memoir. The Girl Who Fell From the Sky by Heidi Durrow. Heard her on NPR last week. Actually, it was John who called..."You have got to turn on NPR!" Biracial stories are compelling to me and this one doesn't disappoint. Danish mother, African American father. Tragedy takes Heidi to live with her grandmother in Portland where more tragedy awaits her.
Tragedy followed by triumph. Who wouldn't love this? It's my story. It's my kids' story. They're Danish, too, although only a quarter. They say to me, "If a Republican takes over the White House, we're moving to Denmark." NOOOOO...it's too cold!!
My father was Danish, my mother a true Southerner...but, to her credit, I did see her kick her father out of our house for using the N word. And that was long before I married outside my race.
When I announced that I was going to marry Kevin, my father didn't bat an eyelash. He just never got why it was unacceptable. But, there still are family members who have trouble being in the same room with me. Once, we went to my aunt's house for Christmas brunch...my kids were only a year and 2 1/2. No other family members came.
True Southern Christians...everyone of them. Oh, they recite Bible verse after Bible verse. But, where is the love?! How is it that the Bible Belt is the most narrow-minded, hate-spewing area of the country? The irony. God bless my friend, Penny, who I grew up with who shares my world view but has the patience and courage to be a Methodist minister. She is my heroine.
I took the easy way out. We took our kids to live in Columbia, Maryland, a planned community of mixed demographics. All races and ethnic groups live side by side, attending the same schools...an experiment designed by James Rouse. We wanted to live in a community where families looked like ours and the kids weren't gawked at every time they went out in public. A community where the schools were among the best in the nation and diverse role models existed in every walk of life.
My kids loved growing up in Columbia. They never experienced true segregation or discrimination like the 'colored' and 'white' water fountains or lunch counters or schools that were my history. For this, I am grateful.
But, then, they just don't get how amazing it was that Barack Obama was elected the President of the United States. They give him no slack. To me, he's a genius. To them, he's just a man.
Tragedy followed by triumph. Who wouldn't love this? It's my story. It's my kids' story. They're Danish, too, although only a quarter. They say to me, "If a Republican takes over the White House, we're moving to Denmark." NOOOOO...it's too cold!!
My father was Danish, my mother a true Southerner...but, to her credit, I did see her kick her father out of our house for using the N word. And that was long before I married outside my race.
When I announced that I was going to marry Kevin, my father didn't bat an eyelash. He just never got why it was unacceptable. But, there still are family members who have trouble being in the same room with me. Once, we went to my aunt's house for Christmas brunch...my kids were only a year and 2 1/2. No other family members came.
True Southern Christians...everyone of them. Oh, they recite Bible verse after Bible verse. But, where is the love?! How is it that the Bible Belt is the most narrow-minded, hate-spewing area of the country? The irony. God bless my friend, Penny, who I grew up with who shares my world view but has the patience and courage to be a Methodist minister. She is my heroine.
I took the easy way out. We took our kids to live in Columbia, Maryland, a planned community of mixed demographics. All races and ethnic groups live side by side, attending the same schools...an experiment designed by James Rouse. We wanted to live in a community where families looked like ours and the kids weren't gawked at every time they went out in public. A community where the schools were among the best in the nation and diverse role models existed in every walk of life.
My kids loved growing up in Columbia. They never experienced true segregation or discrimination like the 'colored' and 'white' water fountains or lunch counters or schools that were my history. For this, I am grateful.
But, then, they just don't get how amazing it was that Barack Obama was elected the President of the United States. They give him no slack. To me, he's a genius. To them, he's just a man.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Shifting Gears
But, I know you're not really interested in my political rants or my body angst, you want to know about the men!! What is going on? Let me tell you, first, I am a total believer in the Love in 90 Days program. My coach, Susan, is worth her weight in gold! Not only have I found worthwhile men to date, but my confidence has soared. I will never return to my less than diamond self!
So, last weekend, I met the Big Kahuna. Not so big. He's rather short, actually, but not the ego! At least, that's my first impression. Originally from Manhattan, he's an 'entrepreneur.' Sounds like start ups, failures, start ups, failures...you get the picture. Don't think he'll be retiring soon. Easy to converse with...well, he did most of the talking...lol. Easy on the eyes...going out again this weekend. The first date's always so nerve wracking, Susan requires at least another one.
Sammy returns from Miami Tuesday and he's nailing me down for any free time I have. Starting with the day after he lands! More hikes, more urban adventures...is he moving here? He's closing next week on his new house in Pennsylvania. Did he retire and forget to tell me? Ahhh...so many unanswered questions.
Told you already Harley's back in town this weekend. Do I dare get on the back of that motorcycle? He swears he's a safe driver. I just don't know...I can't see me in a helmet, way too much hair. I love my convertible...the feeling of freedom from having your hair blowing wildly in every direction...nothing like it!
John. Never gave up. Every time, I skewered him, he came over swearing his undying love for me. He didn't care what role he played in my life, just so there was a role. We remained bridge partners and travel partners. But, there's our history. Five years of fits and starts and break-ups. Such turbulence. I had to shift gears. We hit a brick wall; I was dazed. I needed to get my thoughts in some kind of order; I had to protect myself. I needed to find myself apart from him. I needed the balance of having other men in my life. Yet, I have profound feelings for him. So, we will begin by learning to be friends, to be open with each other, to continue our self-explorations. Maybe, our path would've been smoother if we had both started with our diamond selves five years ago. I don't rule us out.
Meanwhile, Match has sent me over 100 new guys to check out and I am exhausted. I need a vacation from the winks, the oh-so-clever emails, the profile updating. I never did buy that scoop neck red top, but I may buy it with the Macy's gift card one of the guys gave me.
But, I always know if none of these guys works out or I want to add more to my Dating Program of Three, I'll come back from my 'vacation' and start winking again!!
Ya coming with me???
So, last weekend, I met the Big Kahuna. Not so big. He's rather short, actually, but not the ego! At least, that's my first impression. Originally from Manhattan, he's an 'entrepreneur.' Sounds like start ups, failures, start ups, failures...you get the picture. Don't think he'll be retiring soon. Easy to converse with...well, he did most of the talking...lol. Easy on the eyes...going out again this weekend. The first date's always so nerve wracking, Susan requires at least another one.
Sammy returns from Miami Tuesday and he's nailing me down for any free time I have. Starting with the day after he lands! More hikes, more urban adventures...is he moving here? He's closing next week on his new house in Pennsylvania. Did he retire and forget to tell me? Ahhh...so many unanswered questions.
Told you already Harley's back in town this weekend. Do I dare get on the back of that motorcycle? He swears he's a safe driver. I just don't know...I can't see me in a helmet, way too much hair. I love my convertible...the feeling of freedom from having your hair blowing wildly in every direction...nothing like it!
John. Never gave up. Every time, I skewered him, he came over swearing his undying love for me. He didn't care what role he played in my life, just so there was a role. We remained bridge partners and travel partners. But, there's our history. Five years of fits and starts and break-ups. Such turbulence. I had to shift gears. We hit a brick wall; I was dazed. I needed to get my thoughts in some kind of order; I had to protect myself. I needed to find myself apart from him. I needed the balance of having other men in my life. Yet, I have profound feelings for him. So, we will begin by learning to be friends, to be open with each other, to continue our self-explorations. Maybe, our path would've been smoother if we had both started with our diamond selves five years ago. I don't rule us out.
Meanwhile, Match has sent me over 100 new guys to check out and I am exhausted. I need a vacation from the winks, the oh-so-clever emails, the profile updating. I never did buy that scoop neck red top, but I may buy it with the Macy's gift card one of the guys gave me.
But, I always know if none of these guys works out or I want to add more to my Dating Program of Three, I'll come back from my 'vacation' and start winking again!!
Ya coming with me???
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Vanity Sucks
I never really had curves...just a very skinny boyish body. Growing up southern, I had my fair share of butter, salt and fried foods. Of course, we also had oranges and watermelon. But, it never mattered what I ate. I could eat a whole family size bag of potato chips and never gain an ounce. I was so thin, the doctor put me on milkshakes nightly when I was a teenager. That didn't even work.
My constant weight was 95 pounds. Except, once when I was in college, I contracted mono and was hospitalized when I weighed in at 82. I was only allowed to go to class, then back to the infirmary. They put me on the milkshake routine. This time is worked. They let me out when I weighed 90.
I never got over 95 again until I had my first child at age 23. I gained all of 27 pounds. After I gave birth, I was quite the spectacle. The nurses kept lifting up my gown to get a look at my 'flat' stomach. Of course, I didn't quite see it that way, but after several miles of hiking, my real body returned.
I remember asking my husband a year later if he thought my butt was too small or too big. I just shake my head when I think of that. Who the hell was I? Can you imagine a stupider question to ask your husband? And, what do you think he said? He told me I was just right. But, I persisted. Of course, there's no win-win response here. Finally, he very reluctantly said, too big. I have to laugh out loud here. Why? because I thought that was great! Maybe, I was finally blossoming. I think my boobs were a little fuller then, too.
Ahhh, but the women's movement moved into full gear and I was swept into independence, assertiveness, and single parenthood albeit with an ideal ex-husband who adored our daughter and with whom I celebrated our anniversary for many years after our separation. We stayed great friends, never uttering a negative word about each other to our daughter. But, that's another story....
I took my time remarrying but did in my mid 30s. I really didn't expect to have more children but I had two more 20 months apart. OMG, what happened to that skinny woman? I was completely ambushed by two beautiful, needy babies, a lively teenager, a time-consuming job, and a soon-to-be very ill husband. No time to workout...needless to say, I never saw that 95 pound body again.
I guess I could've found the time and the energy, but I didn't. Occasionally, I'd start up a routine but just couldn't sustain it. You'd find me in the gym every January just like most of America but by February, I was back to my old ways.
Sometimes, life overwhelmed me. No time for reflection. No meditation. I thought about the fact that I was going to lose my husband but tried to live in the moment. I just couldn't afford to slow down. I have to confess my impulsive, free spirit side had an active fantasy life. I would dream about packing the barest essentials and moving to the beach. Or going cross country and starting over in California.
But, I could never do that. I would simply look at my precious husband and children and know they were my life. In the present. Maybe I could be a freer spirit later. A dream deferred.
Back to the body. Two years ago when I retired, I made several promises to myself...one of which was to work out and get back in shape. And, slowly but surely, it's happening. I have my upper body and core routine, my daily cardio. I can hike and jog again. I'm a work in progress.
I don't know about all women but I fight the pear-shape body. Two years ago, I was 20 pounds heavier and there was no waist to be found. Not true now, but there's the saggy arms and neck to deal with. I'm always doing battle with my body.
Perspective. Not a perfect body but healthy, happy, loved, free from a frenetic schedule. Living the dream.
My constant weight was 95 pounds. Except, once when I was in college, I contracted mono and was hospitalized when I weighed in at 82. I was only allowed to go to class, then back to the infirmary. They put me on the milkshake routine. This time is worked. They let me out when I weighed 90.
I never got over 95 again until I had my first child at age 23. I gained all of 27 pounds. After I gave birth, I was quite the spectacle. The nurses kept lifting up my gown to get a look at my 'flat' stomach. Of course, I didn't quite see it that way, but after several miles of hiking, my real body returned.
I remember asking my husband a year later if he thought my butt was too small or too big. I just shake my head when I think of that. Who the hell was I? Can you imagine a stupider question to ask your husband? And, what do you think he said? He told me I was just right. But, I persisted. Of course, there's no win-win response here. Finally, he very reluctantly said, too big. I have to laugh out loud here. Why? because I thought that was great! Maybe, I was finally blossoming. I think my boobs were a little fuller then, too.
Ahhh, but the women's movement moved into full gear and I was swept into independence, assertiveness, and single parenthood albeit with an ideal ex-husband who adored our daughter and with whom I celebrated our anniversary for many years after our separation. We stayed great friends, never uttering a negative word about each other to our daughter. But, that's another story....
I took my time remarrying but did in my mid 30s. I really didn't expect to have more children but I had two more 20 months apart. OMG, what happened to that skinny woman? I was completely ambushed by two beautiful, needy babies, a lively teenager, a time-consuming job, and a soon-to-be very ill husband. No time to workout...needless to say, I never saw that 95 pound body again.
I guess I could've found the time and the energy, but I didn't. Occasionally, I'd start up a routine but just couldn't sustain it. You'd find me in the gym every January just like most of America but by February, I was back to my old ways.
Sometimes, life overwhelmed me. No time for reflection. No meditation. I thought about the fact that I was going to lose my husband but tried to live in the moment. I just couldn't afford to slow down. I have to confess my impulsive, free spirit side had an active fantasy life. I would dream about packing the barest essentials and moving to the beach. Or going cross country and starting over in California.
But, I could never do that. I would simply look at my precious husband and children and know they were my life. In the present. Maybe I could be a freer spirit later. A dream deferred.
Back to the body. Two years ago when I retired, I made several promises to myself...one of which was to work out and get back in shape. And, slowly but surely, it's happening. I have my upper body and core routine, my daily cardio. I can hike and jog again. I'm a work in progress.
I don't know about all women but I fight the pear-shape body. Two years ago, I was 20 pounds heavier and there was no waist to be found. Not true now, but there's the saggy arms and neck to deal with. I'm always doing battle with my body.
Perspective. Not a perfect body but healthy, happy, loved, free from a frenetic schedule. Living the dream.
Rush to Judgment
I am a flaming liberal...not news to you...and proud of it! During the 2008 presidential campaign, I was glued to MSNBC as were most of my "L" friends. I loved Keith, Chris, all the guys...Rachel wasn't on yet. I admit I sobbed on election night...pure joy and relief! Thank God, the 'fiscally responsible' Republicans were history...at least, for four years.
And, then, the Obama bashing commenced. How do these people do it? They're the meanest SOBs in history...only eclipsed by the duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton in 1804. Burr was the sitting Vice President; Hamilton, the former Secretary of the Treasury. Burr killed Hamilton and was acquitted!!! Of course, it ruined his political career...duhh!
There have been several fistfights on the floor of the Congress. The most famous one was in 1856 when Charles Sumner, Republican Senator from Massachusetts, attacked South Carolina Congressman Andrew Butler's position on slavery. Three days later, Congressman Preston Brooks, a close ally of Butler's, repeatedly attacked Sumner on the floor of the Senate with a cane, causing near fatal injuries.
They lie over and over...take Jon Kyl, Republican Senator from Arizona. In April, he went after Planned Parenthood, "If you want an abortion, you go to Planned Parenthood and that's well over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does." The real percentage is 3% and the rest of the organization's work is related to preventative health care services. CNN, to their credit, actually called him on it. His response? "IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE A FACTUAL STATEMENT." In other words, I meant to lie to fool as many people who would be dumb enough to believe it.
They're so hell bent on the state of economy, they forget they're responsible for its demise. They claim to represent small business but give big business all the breaks. If the major corporations actually paid their fair share of taxes, we'd be home free.
I had to stop watching all political news; it was just so damn disheartening. It was just downer after downer and, of course, I felt guilty because I was becoming part of the problem...just sticking my head in the sand. At least, I sent money monthly to Obama. But, the Republican campaign is kicking off so I had to start watching again.
Just in time to catch the Weiner news. Was there ever a guy more aptly named?! Here's my bias...I expect the 'other side' to do these ridiculous, clownish, juvenile acts. Remember, they're the party of 'family values,' the apex of irony. When the Democrats get stupid, I am PISSED! We are constantly fighting an uphill battle, especially, on the 'morals' issues. We are the party of inclusivity...working to bring parity to all races, ethnic groups, gays and lesbians. And, then, you have a jerk who has to think with his male organ and send it all over the internet, while his pregnant bride is in Africa assisting the Secretary of State.
And the news goes viral. Michelle Bachman 'wins' the Republican debate (God help us all!), but Weiner wins the Top Story Award for the ninth day in a row. Bachman as President? Denmark is looking better and better.
But the Top Story Award should go to Rush Limbaugh. Here's the headline from his radio transcript yesterday...
TONY WEINER: FEMINIZED PLAYBOY IN THE CHICKIFIED POLITICAL UNIVERSE
Rush was reacting to ABC's This Week roundtable discussion hosted by Christiane Amanpour with four other female media reps, who postulated that having more women in positions of power might change the way business is done in Washington to Wall Street and beyond. Their point is that you'd be hard-pressed to find a sex scandal involving a female politician.
Rush climbs on his high horse. "Have I not warned everyone about this: The chickification of the news, the chickification of our culture?" He rants on...
"Why is it that Anthony Weiner turns out to be the kind of guy he is? How does that happen? If we're gonna bring this stuff up, folks, let's talk about it. Let's bring it up! what kinda women has Anthony Weiner been around his whole life? He has been around a bunch of these kinds of women who have been attacking testosterone, who have been attacking traditional male roles."
"We cannot blame what happened to Weiner on testosterone. We're looking at a guy here who is kiddie whipped. You want to get down to brass tacks on this? We're looking at somebody here who's been hanging around these kind of women -- and he's doing anything he can to break out. He's doing everything he can to step out and get away from their control. This, to Anthony Weiner, is being a guy. He's not allowed to a guy hanging around a bunch of liberal women."
Yeah...that's it. Perfectly reasonable...being around intelligent women causes men to take pictures of their crotches and send them all over the world. Yep, it's my fault. Of course! I love that Blame the Victim mentality. That Rush is a piece of work...I heard his rating were plummeting. One can only hope.
And, then, the Obama bashing commenced. How do these people do it? They're the meanest SOBs in history...only eclipsed by the duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton in 1804. Burr was the sitting Vice President; Hamilton, the former Secretary of the Treasury. Burr killed Hamilton and was acquitted!!! Of course, it ruined his political career...duhh!
There have been several fistfights on the floor of the Congress. The most famous one was in 1856 when Charles Sumner, Republican Senator from Massachusetts, attacked South Carolina Congressman Andrew Butler's position on slavery. Three days later, Congressman Preston Brooks, a close ally of Butler's, repeatedly attacked Sumner on the floor of the Senate with a cane, causing near fatal injuries.
They lie over and over...take Jon Kyl, Republican Senator from Arizona. In April, he went after Planned Parenthood, "If you want an abortion, you go to Planned Parenthood and that's well over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does." The real percentage is 3% and the rest of the organization's work is related to preventative health care services. CNN, to their credit, actually called him on it. His response? "IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE A FACTUAL STATEMENT." In other words, I meant to lie to fool as many people who would be dumb enough to believe it.
They're so hell bent on the state of economy, they forget they're responsible for its demise. They claim to represent small business but give big business all the breaks. If the major corporations actually paid their fair share of taxes, we'd be home free.
I had to stop watching all political news; it was just so damn disheartening. It was just downer after downer and, of course, I felt guilty because I was becoming part of the problem...just sticking my head in the sand. At least, I sent money monthly to Obama. But, the Republican campaign is kicking off so I had to start watching again.
Just in time to catch the Weiner news. Was there ever a guy more aptly named?! Here's my bias...I expect the 'other side' to do these ridiculous, clownish, juvenile acts. Remember, they're the party of 'family values,' the apex of irony. When the Democrats get stupid, I am PISSED! We are constantly fighting an uphill battle, especially, on the 'morals' issues. We are the party of inclusivity...working to bring parity to all races, ethnic groups, gays and lesbians. And, then, you have a jerk who has to think with his male organ and send it all over the internet, while his pregnant bride is in Africa assisting the Secretary of State.
And the news goes viral. Michelle Bachman 'wins' the Republican debate (God help us all!), but Weiner wins the Top Story Award for the ninth day in a row. Bachman as President? Denmark is looking better and better.
But the Top Story Award should go to Rush Limbaugh. Here's the headline from his radio transcript yesterday...
TONY WEINER: FEMINIZED PLAYBOY IN THE CHICKIFIED POLITICAL UNIVERSE
Rush was reacting to ABC's This Week roundtable discussion hosted by Christiane Amanpour with four other female media reps, who postulated that having more women in positions of power might change the way business is done in Washington to Wall Street and beyond. Their point is that you'd be hard-pressed to find a sex scandal involving a female politician.
Rush climbs on his high horse. "Have I not warned everyone about this: The chickification of the news, the chickification of our culture?" He rants on...
"Why is it that Anthony Weiner turns out to be the kind of guy he is? How does that happen? If we're gonna bring this stuff up, folks, let's talk about it. Let's bring it up! what kinda women has Anthony Weiner been around his whole life? He has been around a bunch of these kinds of women who have been attacking testosterone, who have been attacking traditional male roles."
"We cannot blame what happened to Weiner on testosterone. We're looking at a guy here who is kiddie whipped. You want to get down to brass tacks on this? We're looking at somebody here who's been hanging around these kind of women -- and he's doing anything he can to break out. He's doing everything he can to step out and get away from their control. This, to Anthony Weiner, is being a guy. He's not allowed to a guy hanging around a bunch of liberal women."
Yeah...that's it. Perfectly reasonable...being around intelligent women causes men to take pictures of their crotches and send them all over the world. Yep, it's my fault. Of course! I love that Blame the Victim mentality. That Rush is a piece of work...I heard his rating were plummeting. One can only hope.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Dating Program of Three
I think I alluded to this program in an earlier blog; it's part of the Love in 90 Days guide. The point is women meet someone, and very soon start believing this is "The One." They immediately get overinvolved and start obsessing about the new love. The act like crack addicts, losing touch with reality and risk an agonizing withdrawal when the rejection comes.
I definitely have been the crack addict. Been there, done that. Way too much self-negative talk...too old, too many women and too few men, have to make this one work...you get the picture. But, I have given up giving myself negative messages. Susan has helped to imbue me with confidence and I'm not at all worried about finding Mr. Right. Who knew???
On the Dating Program of Three, you are seeing three men simultaneously. Keeping the date fairly short, letting the guys know you're seeing other people, staying grounded...definitely not getting overinvolved aka no sex. It's all about moderation and balance. You're rank ordering them and dropping and adding as your feelings change. And, you do this for a least three months (hence, 90 days) before you have The Talk to be exclusive.
When I first read that, I thought....three?? Are you kidding me? I have enough trouble with one and where are they coming from? Don't do the bar scene. Bridge clubs? Lots of nice guys but no one has really interested me there. Friends? Not one of you has introduced me to anyone...lol. Online? Yep. That's where you're going to meet the men. But, you gotta go through a ton of toads!!
That said, my dating card is full. There's Miami Sammy, coming back to town in two weeks to buy his house here. Being a boring, easy prof wasn't a deal breaker for me....I just think he's more cut out for the research end of academia. Harley Guy's is wanting to get together again.
There's the Big Kahuna. And, he is local...finally. I wrote about him last week. We've had trouble connecting because I'm never around. Do you think his screen name says anything about his ego?? Huge turnoff, but I'm open. I like his politics although he's not as flaming L as I am, but he doesn't have to be. What hooked me was his sense of humor...he's the one who's going on Prozac if he doesn't meet his match soon. Then, he calls himself a gourmet cook....that couldn't be a bad thing. Phone conversations are light as we move toward our first meeting this weekend.
Oh, and I'm adding one more guy to the Program of Three....John. Crumbs? Remember him? Life is definitely not boring.
I definitely have been the crack addict. Been there, done that. Way too much self-negative talk...too old, too many women and too few men, have to make this one work...you get the picture. But, I have given up giving myself negative messages. Susan has helped to imbue me with confidence and I'm not at all worried about finding Mr. Right. Who knew???
On the Dating Program of Three, you are seeing three men simultaneously. Keeping the date fairly short, letting the guys know you're seeing other people, staying grounded...definitely not getting overinvolved aka no sex. It's all about moderation and balance. You're rank ordering them and dropping and adding as your feelings change. And, you do this for a least three months (hence, 90 days) before you have The Talk to be exclusive.
When I first read that, I thought....three?? Are you kidding me? I have enough trouble with one and where are they coming from? Don't do the bar scene. Bridge clubs? Lots of nice guys but no one has really interested me there. Friends? Not one of you has introduced me to anyone...lol. Online? Yep. That's where you're going to meet the men. But, you gotta go through a ton of toads!!
That said, my dating card is full. There's Miami Sammy, coming back to town in two weeks to buy his house here. Being a boring, easy prof wasn't a deal breaker for me....I just think he's more cut out for the research end of academia. Harley Guy's is wanting to get together again.
There's the Big Kahuna. And, he is local...finally. I wrote about him last week. We've had trouble connecting because I'm never around. Do you think his screen name says anything about his ego?? Huge turnoff, but I'm open. I like his politics although he's not as flaming L as I am, but he doesn't have to be. What hooked me was his sense of humor...he's the one who's going on Prozac if he doesn't meet his match soon. Then, he calls himself a gourmet cook....that couldn't be a bad thing. Phone conversations are light as we move toward our first meeting this weekend.
Oh, and I'm adding one more guy to the Program of Three....John. Crumbs? Remember him? Life is definitely not boring.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Resume v Ratings
When Sammy sent me the links to his professional life, I was completely focused on playing bridge at the regional tournament in Richmond. I responded to his email a week later but wrote that I hadn't had a chance to look at the links. Looking back, I'm sure he was probably disappointed by my lack of eagerness.
But, eventually, I did and OMG I was completely blown away! I practically used up all my ink printing out his curriculum vitae...24 pages! Who has a 24 page resume? When I was hiring, I wouldn't read more than one page. But, I guess if you're a professor, you have to show how significant you are in that world.
Sammy's Highlights:
But, eventually, I did and OMG I was completely blown away! I practically used up all my ink printing out his curriculum vitae...24 pages! Who has a 24 page resume? When I was hiring, I wouldn't read more than one page. But, I guess if you're a professor, you have to show how significant you are in that world.
Sammy's Highlights:
- Over a dozen professional positions, including being a visiting professor in Japan, Germany and at Harvard University
- Multiple committee and conference coordinator positions
- Editorial duties for five professional journals
- Invited reviewer for 15 professional journals
- Too many research grants to even count
- Elected a Fellow by the American Psychological Association
- Supervised 14 doctoral students
- Wrote 10 books (I found them on Amazon)
- Published over 100 journal articles
- Gave over 100 presentations on his research
Nothing is not impressive. I don't think I'll be sharing my curriculum vitae with him anytime soon! But, I have to tell you in his most recent email, he included more personal information...the names of his daughters. Oh, now, we're making progress!
I see he thinks his professional life is way more interesting than his personal life and I think my personal life is way more interesting than my professional life. Opposites attract, right?
While I'm on the computer, I decide to do a google search on him and find most of what I've already seen but then find a website that rates him as a professor.....Very smart guy, but can he teach?
His Overall rating is 3.6 out of 5. The two areas he's rated in are Helpfulness and Clarity. They don't include the Easiness rating in the Overall score. That was his highest rating--4.5. The comments range FROM "he knows his stuff," "really nice guy" "typical 'nerdy' psych teacher who really tries to have a sense of humor," "very willing to help" TO "attending his lectures made me want to rip my hair out," "he spends the first 20 minutes setting up his computer, another 20 minutes per slide, and ends up babbling about useless information," "if you enjoy listening to someone ramble, take him."
TMI!!! I should've just stuck to the impressive curriculum vitae. I was a teacher and if my students thought I was boring and easy, I would've been DEVASTATED!!!
Good teaching is an art form. Ya got it or you don't. A Ph.D means nothing.
Venus and Mars
In my latest session with Susan, she wanted to know all about my reaction to Sammy when we were on our little adventure in the Shenandoah Park. How did you respond to him Was he intellectually stimulating? How were his interpersonal skills? Was he physically attractive to you? Did he have more of a sense of humor this time? Did he talk about personal things?
Yes, to the physically attractive and intellectually stimulating questions and I definitely saw more of a sense of humor. We were together just over three hours and had no problems carrying on a conversation. That's all good.
"Is there a BUT?" she wants to know.
"Okay, yes, there is. I don't think he revealed much about himself personally. I know he had two marriages, one for 29 years, the other for 10. And, that the second one ended just last year. Although I didn't ask what happened in either of those relationship, I thought he might expound on that more. The only remark he made was 'They're not as dramatic as your story.' Well, my story is the pinnacle of drama, but I expected him to be a little more open."
"Well, he's been in a relationship just about his whole adult life and you're the opposite, so maybe you could learn from each other. He sounds like he really loves being in a relationship."
"Yeah, but he's only been unattached a year."
"It's good he's venturing out. A year's not that bad. It's not like he just ended it two months ago."
"I sensed some physical awkwardness. There was no physical contact, not even a touch on the elbow. When I hugged him goodbye, he was a little stiff (not what you think), but he smiled."
"I think he likes you because you're at ease with yourself and you're gregarious. but, you haven't heard from him since he went back to Florida?"
"No, although he made it clear we would be seeing each other when he returned."
"Well, Dr. Diana says women are allowed one proactive move with men who don't seem to be comfortable with knowing how to proceed. Just saying hi because he's a bit socially reticent would not be wrong and would give him an opportunity to communicate with you. You could send something light."
I didn't tell her this but there is no way in hell I'm sending him an email. Just like there's no way in hell I'm dying my hair. (I mulled that for about 10 seconds.)
I didn't have to wait long. The email appeared the next day....very long with an explanation that he'd been working on a short sale contract. Evidently, he had put a bid in on a house north of Baltimore and it was going through and closing when he returns in a couple of weeks. And, he also made sure I knew how many minutes it was from Columbia.
Immediately, these Simon & Garfunkel lyrics come to mind....
Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobble stones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy
See, I like the looking for fun and feeling groovy part.
And, he added that he thought he spent a lot of time discussing his PERSONAL LIFE with me and wanted me to know more about his professional side and sent me to the link for his curriculum vitae and research.
Granted he did talk about his two daughters....but his PERSONAL LIFE? Is this just classic Venus and Mars stuff or what?
Okay, I'll check it out and get back to you!
Yes, to the physically attractive and intellectually stimulating questions and I definitely saw more of a sense of humor. We were together just over three hours and had no problems carrying on a conversation. That's all good.
"Is there a BUT?" she wants to know.
"Okay, yes, there is. I don't think he revealed much about himself personally. I know he had two marriages, one for 29 years, the other for 10. And, that the second one ended just last year. Although I didn't ask what happened in either of those relationship, I thought he might expound on that more. The only remark he made was 'They're not as dramatic as your story.' Well, my story is the pinnacle of drama, but I expected him to be a little more open."
"Well, he's been in a relationship just about his whole adult life and you're the opposite, so maybe you could learn from each other. He sounds like he really loves being in a relationship."
"Yeah, but he's only been unattached a year."
"It's good he's venturing out. A year's not that bad. It's not like he just ended it two months ago."
"I sensed some physical awkwardness. There was no physical contact, not even a touch on the elbow. When I hugged him goodbye, he was a little stiff (not what you think), but he smiled."
"I think he likes you because you're at ease with yourself and you're gregarious. but, you haven't heard from him since he went back to Florida?"
"No, although he made it clear we would be seeing each other when he returned."
"Well, Dr. Diana says women are allowed one proactive move with men who don't seem to be comfortable with knowing how to proceed. Just saying hi because he's a bit socially reticent would not be wrong and would give him an opportunity to communicate with you. You could send something light."
I didn't tell her this but there is no way in hell I'm sending him an email. Just like there's no way in hell I'm dying my hair. (I mulled that for about 10 seconds.)
I didn't have to wait long. The email appeared the next day....very long with an explanation that he'd been working on a short sale contract. Evidently, he had put a bid in on a house north of Baltimore and it was going through and closing when he returns in a couple of weeks. And, he also made sure I knew how many minutes it was from Columbia.
Immediately, these Simon & Garfunkel lyrics come to mind....
Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobble stones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy
See, I like the looking for fun and feeling groovy part.
And, he added that he thought he spent a lot of time discussing his PERSONAL LIFE with me and wanted me to know more about his professional side and sent me to the link for his curriculum vitae and research.
Granted he did talk about his two daughters....but his PERSONAL LIFE? Is this just classic Venus and Mars stuff or what?
Okay, I'll check it out and get back to you!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Big Picture
I'm sorting through some anxiety right now. What does life look like in the future? Is there a Mr. Right? Or is that wrong for me? I have to say, I've been on my own for most of my adult life. Two marriages=18 years total. That's it. I'm okay. Better than okay....thriving, actually. Sure, I'd like companionship, but can't that come in many forms? Could I adjust to being in a 24/7 relationship?
Did I have any idea how wonderful life could be in my 60s? Didn't you think when you were in your 30s that life would pretty much be over at this point? I just have to laugh at that. I'm rich. Not in the money sense, but in the Life Is Full sense.
All three of my kids will be here this weekend to celebrate my granddaughter's very first birthday. And, my daughter's getting married in September to a man I adore! We are a pretty open bunch and that gets complicated sometimes, but we deal with it.
I rejoice in the profound friendships I have with women. I may not see a friend for six months or a year, but the moment she steps into my arena, we open up and share our stories.
My career in education ended two years ago, but now I'm venturing into new areas that were waiting for me all along. My spiritual journey feeds my soul. Writing? Who knew it could be so much fun? For years, I wanted to write but was so exhausted at the end of the day, reflection was beyond me.
Not everyone gets this chance. My husband lost his battle at age 39. My hairdresser died two weeks ago--37 years old, leaving three small sons. We have all known peers who lost their lives to disease or accidents too young. Devastating.
Be grateful. Love deeply. Live in the moment. My issues are small.
Did I have any idea how wonderful life could be in my 60s? Didn't you think when you were in your 30s that life would pretty much be over at this point? I just have to laugh at that. I'm rich. Not in the money sense, but in the Life Is Full sense.
All three of my kids will be here this weekend to celebrate my granddaughter's very first birthday. And, my daughter's getting married in September to a man I adore! We are a pretty open bunch and that gets complicated sometimes, but we deal with it.
I rejoice in the profound friendships I have with women. I may not see a friend for six months or a year, but the moment she steps into my arena, we open up and share our stories.
My career in education ended two years ago, but now I'm venturing into new areas that were waiting for me all along. My spiritual journey feeds my soul. Writing? Who knew it could be so much fun? For years, I wanted to write but was so exhausted at the end of the day, reflection was beyond me.
Not everyone gets this chance. My husband lost his battle at age 39. My hairdresser died two weeks ago--37 years old, leaving three small sons. We have all known peers who lost their lives to disease or accidents too young. Devastating.
Be grateful. Love deeply. Live in the moment. My issues are small.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
It Worked
Five days. Cold turkey. No checking the Match.com app on my iPhone, no opening Safari. Nothing. I'm at a bridge tournament. Can't be distracted.
But, when I get home, I check Match.com. Sixty new matches. Yep, you read that right. Truth be known I haven't looked at one of them because I'm so busy answering emails from previous 'matches.' My ego is soaring!
There's Ron in Virginia, who went to seminary and loves to read books on religion and spirituality. I wrote, "I'm enamored by your spiritual side." He loves that I noticed. He's self-employed at a soup kitchen (not sure what that means)....but somewhat appealing. I like that he walks the walk. He played bridge in seminary and loves the game. Another plus. He's looking for his Soul Mate. Uh oh...that's a little heavy for me. I'm looking for a sense of humor and fun and his profile is screaming DEADLY SERIOUS. But, I write back anyway...could be a friend. Let me tell you, working out daily is not in his profile. And, you know by now, I am not into obesity.
Then, there's the Philosophy professor who posted these amazing photos of hiking in a forest in Tennessee. He categorizes his faith as 'other' then writes, "I respect the high interpretation of all true faiths but I do not participate or align myself with any organized religion." I respect that. I look at his current read, God Created the Integers by Stephen Hawkings. Amazon describes it as a compilation of the 25 greatest mathematical breakthroughs over a 2500 year time span. The reviewers skewer the editing, saying it's filed with errors. Curious something as exact as a mathematical history book could be so sloppily edited. But, the professor describes it as a 'very neat' book. Over 1,000 pages in length! Not so 'neat.'
Last week, I read Jack from Bowie's profile and how enthusiastic he is, never gets upset about anything, his friends think he's nuts but love to be around him. He's trying to live life to the fullest. Pretty handsome guy, 55. Then, he throws in that he's looking for someone with a Bay Watch body. Oh, boy, he's gonna hear from me. "Bay Watch body?! You have got to be kidding." Believe it or not, he writes that it's good to hear from me and he's a simple, easy going, down to earth man. He's an engineer, raised in a broken home. (Obviously, not over it....all I need, more baggage). "I have a heart full of love for the right woman and I could relocate for the right woman." (He lives 20 minutes from me.) He gives me his real email address and says he hopes to hear from me again soon. Hmmm, that relocation comment makes me reminisce about James Michael Collins, the Nigerian scammer. A 55 year old engineer looking for a Bay Watch body? Really? I don't feel a spiritual connection here.
But, the one that intrigued me calls himself the Big Kahuna. Stop laughing. Into Deepak Chopra, "You were born to be completely loved and completely lovable your whole life." Recently moved from Atlanta, love his humor, want to begin as friends, move to companions then...who knows? He writes he has a lot to offer..."not bad to look at (although not quite a Harrison Ford), emotionally (off Valium yesterday although I'm considering Prozac if I can't find my match soon), intellectually (stopped reading comic books and watching cartoons last month)." You get the idea. Pretty funny guy. I'm a sucker for them. I write, "You sound just too good to be true." His response, "I'm getting a little tired of this cyber stuff. How 'bout we pass up emails and have something approximating a 'real' life experience...say a phone conversation." He sends me his cell number. "Kindly either call or send me your number and I'll initiate the call." I think I'll send him my number. The Big Kahuna just might work himself into the Program of 3.
But, when I get home, I check Match.com. Sixty new matches. Yep, you read that right. Truth be known I haven't looked at one of them because I'm so busy answering emails from previous 'matches.' My ego is soaring!
There's Ron in Virginia, who went to seminary and loves to read books on religion and spirituality. I wrote, "I'm enamored by your spiritual side." He loves that I noticed. He's self-employed at a soup kitchen (not sure what that means)....but somewhat appealing. I like that he walks the walk. He played bridge in seminary and loves the game. Another plus. He's looking for his Soul Mate. Uh oh...that's a little heavy for me. I'm looking for a sense of humor and fun and his profile is screaming DEADLY SERIOUS. But, I write back anyway...could be a friend. Let me tell you, working out daily is not in his profile. And, you know by now, I am not into obesity.
Then, there's the Philosophy professor who posted these amazing photos of hiking in a forest in Tennessee. He categorizes his faith as 'other' then writes, "I respect the high interpretation of all true faiths but I do not participate or align myself with any organized religion." I respect that. I look at his current read, God Created the Integers by Stephen Hawkings. Amazon describes it as a compilation of the 25 greatest mathematical breakthroughs over a 2500 year time span. The reviewers skewer the editing, saying it's filed with errors. Curious something as exact as a mathematical history book could be so sloppily edited. But, the professor describes it as a 'very neat' book. Over 1,000 pages in length! Not so 'neat.'
Last week, I read Jack from Bowie's profile and how enthusiastic he is, never gets upset about anything, his friends think he's nuts but love to be around him. He's trying to live life to the fullest. Pretty handsome guy, 55. Then, he throws in that he's looking for someone with a Bay Watch body. Oh, boy, he's gonna hear from me. "Bay Watch body?! You have got to be kidding." Believe it or not, he writes that it's good to hear from me and he's a simple, easy going, down to earth man. He's an engineer, raised in a broken home. (Obviously, not over it....all I need, more baggage). "I have a heart full of love for the right woman and I could relocate for the right woman." (He lives 20 minutes from me.) He gives me his real email address and says he hopes to hear from me again soon. Hmmm, that relocation comment makes me reminisce about James Michael Collins, the Nigerian scammer. A 55 year old engineer looking for a Bay Watch body? Really? I don't feel a spiritual connection here.
But, the one that intrigued me calls himself the Big Kahuna. Stop laughing. Into Deepak Chopra, "You were born to be completely loved and completely lovable your whole life." Recently moved from Atlanta, love his humor, want to begin as friends, move to companions then...who knows? He writes he has a lot to offer..."not bad to look at (although not quite a Harrison Ford), emotionally (off Valium yesterday although I'm considering Prozac if I can't find my match soon), intellectually (stopped reading comic books and watching cartoons last month)." You get the idea. Pretty funny guy. I'm a sucker for them. I write, "You sound just too good to be true." His response, "I'm getting a little tired of this cyber stuff. How 'bout we pass up emails and have something approximating a 'real' life experience...say a phone conversation." He sends me his cell number. "Kindly either call or send me your number and I'll initiate the call." I think I'll send him my number. The Big Kahuna just might work himself into the Program of 3.
Tweaking My Profile
In my session with Susan a few weeks back, I told her I was feeling discouraged about the online stuff. I was definitely bummed by the "What did he die of?" question, but who's not gong to ask that??!! Like, I said, it's how to tell the boys from the men. But, I'm not one to deny my feelings...I say what I'm feeling, especially, to my love coach.
Of course, feeling discouraged is definitely not where I want to live! Okay, visit...but not live. Her response? "GET OVER IT! One out of 12 are the odds for being a keeper for the program of 3 and you're gong to have to go through a lot of toads." She goes on, "This dating business is almost a full-time gig. It's a little exhausting. Emotionally, you're up, you're down. You have to develop a shield. That question is a vetting question. It's almost a gift to get rid of them and find someone else. It's a chore for most people to keep going through it. Sometimes, you just need a break for awhile. Look on page 219 in The Love in 90 Days book and do Exercise 3."
Write a letter to yourself that is meant to be read when you are experiencing the one step back and are feeling hopeless or low. Encourage yourself to feel painful, angry, sad or scary feelings and to make the right moves anyway. Give yourself the big zigzag picture of growth.
I don't know. I just can't get into it. The truth is I never actually feel hopeless. Only one time in my life have I felt that and that wasn't even when my husband died. It was when my son was a complete horse's ass in high school and college and I was convinced his risky behavior was going to result in tragedy. I just didn't want to stay around to witness that. But, there was just too much at stake to be selfish. My God, I was a single parent, school administrator, soccer mom, community activist. I was supposed to be helping other people parent. So I plodded along giving myself mental pep talks trying to desperately believe everything would be fine. And, it was after seven tumultuous years. There were a lot of days that I was cursing my late husband...how is it that you got the good years with the kids and I get the terrible teenage years??!!
But, I digress. I ask Susan to look at my profile and tell me what she thinks. "I'm going to have Dr. Diana look at them and make some suggestions."
OMG!! THE DR. DIANA?! This is a bit intimidating to me but that's what I'm paying the big bucks for, right? So, here's what I got.
1. I would like her to color her hair. The style is very youthful, but she needs color. (Not gonna happen. I spent years at the salon, done with that. Natural all the way. However, the guys I'm seeing? They color their hair. Mulling...)
2. She needs new head shots with a red scoop top, eye contact, smile. (Red scoop top? I love that picture in my Mexican peasant blouse, very colorful. Mulling...)
3. She needs a photo that shows her slender figure to good advantage. (Now, we're talking...right next to that sexy blue Solara convertible.)
4. Her screen name, Life Dancer, is a bit too New Age. How about Spirited Beauty? (I am New Age, looking for New Age. Plus, I have no clue about how to change it online.)
5. She should change her age to under 60 and open it up to men up to age 72. (My friends know I'm already lying about my age. 72? Are you kidding me? More mulling...)
She goes on to wordsmith my profile. I decide the woman is brilliant and I go straight online and cut my words and paste hers.
"Some people call me a free spirit. I will surprise you--it will not be dull! Friends and family love me because they say I am loyal, generous, kind and fun loving. I am a slender, physically fit retired educator/administrator having the time of my life! Worked like a dog so I could play now. Enjoy concerts, movies, theatre, going to sports events, playing bridge, traveling, the beach, hiking, writing, reading, working out several times a week. Want to explore new areas and ideas. Last year, I waterskied for the first time in 40 years--exhilarating! Were my kids in shock! I love an adventure, whether it be far away or right next door. Adventure is a state of mind BUT just in case, I have a freshly minted passport and some bug spray.
I am looking for someone who is wonderful. The way wonderful looks may be in many different looking packages. Easy-going, fit and fun, with a streak of kindness, more than a dash of humor and a definite sense of integrity are important characteristics."
And then I go away for 5 days and decide not to look at any online dating stuff.
Of course, feeling discouraged is definitely not where I want to live! Okay, visit...but not live. Her response? "GET OVER IT! One out of 12 are the odds for being a keeper for the program of 3 and you're gong to have to go through a lot of toads." She goes on, "This dating business is almost a full-time gig. It's a little exhausting. Emotionally, you're up, you're down. You have to develop a shield. That question is a vetting question. It's almost a gift to get rid of them and find someone else. It's a chore for most people to keep going through it. Sometimes, you just need a break for awhile. Look on page 219 in The Love in 90 Days book and do Exercise 3."
Write a letter to yourself that is meant to be read when you are experiencing the one step back and are feeling hopeless or low. Encourage yourself to feel painful, angry, sad or scary feelings and to make the right moves anyway. Give yourself the big zigzag picture of growth.
I don't know. I just can't get into it. The truth is I never actually feel hopeless. Only one time in my life have I felt that and that wasn't even when my husband died. It was when my son was a complete horse's ass in high school and college and I was convinced his risky behavior was going to result in tragedy. I just didn't want to stay around to witness that. But, there was just too much at stake to be selfish. My God, I was a single parent, school administrator, soccer mom, community activist. I was supposed to be helping other people parent. So I plodded along giving myself mental pep talks trying to desperately believe everything would be fine. And, it was after seven tumultuous years. There were a lot of days that I was cursing my late husband...how is it that you got the good years with the kids and I get the terrible teenage years??!!
But, I digress. I ask Susan to look at my profile and tell me what she thinks. "I'm going to have Dr. Diana look at them and make some suggestions."
OMG!! THE DR. DIANA?! This is a bit intimidating to me but that's what I'm paying the big bucks for, right? So, here's what I got.
1. I would like her to color her hair. The style is very youthful, but she needs color. (Not gonna happen. I spent years at the salon, done with that. Natural all the way. However, the guys I'm seeing? They color their hair. Mulling...)
2. She needs new head shots with a red scoop top, eye contact, smile. (Red scoop top? I love that picture in my Mexican peasant blouse, very colorful. Mulling...)
3. She needs a photo that shows her slender figure to good advantage. (Now, we're talking...right next to that sexy blue Solara convertible.)
4. Her screen name, Life Dancer, is a bit too New Age. How about Spirited Beauty? (I am New Age, looking for New Age. Plus, I have no clue about how to change it online.)
5. She should change her age to under 60 and open it up to men up to age 72. (My friends know I'm already lying about my age. 72? Are you kidding me? More mulling...)
She goes on to wordsmith my profile. I decide the woman is brilliant and I go straight online and cut my words and paste hers.
"Some people call me a free spirit. I will surprise you--it will not be dull! Friends and family love me because they say I am loyal, generous, kind and fun loving. I am a slender, physically fit retired educator/administrator having the time of my life! Worked like a dog so I could play now. Enjoy concerts, movies, theatre, going to sports events, playing bridge, traveling, the beach, hiking, writing, reading, working out several times a week. Want to explore new areas and ideas. Last year, I waterskied for the first time in 40 years--exhilarating! Were my kids in shock! I love an adventure, whether it be far away or right next door. Adventure is a state of mind BUT just in case, I have a freshly minted passport and some bug spray.
I am looking for someone who is wonderful. The way wonderful looks may be in many different looking packages. Easy-going, fit and fun, with a streak of kindness, more than a dash of humor and a definite sense of integrity are important characteristics."
And then I go away for 5 days and decide not to look at any online dating stuff.
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