The Unraveling

It seems so clear to you, right?

To me, it was like A Tale of Two Cities...”It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness.”

I was attracted to his exuberance for life...it was a match for mine.  He laughed easily, encouraged my zany side, appreciated my journey into spiritualism.  He was a free spirit.  He loved to make a fool of himself.  I repeatedly told him he was his own best audience.  But, I laughed at him, too.

I overlooked his fear of delving deeper into himself, revealing his truths.  He admired my ethics, my no-holds-barred approach to life.  I dismissed the fact that he had no close friends in his daily life.  I was shocked that he hadn’t voted in decades, but it wasn’t a deal breaker for me...although there is not one election in my lifetime that I sat out.

I have a positive spirit.  I believe in everyone’s best self.  Even when someone acts like a jerk, I know there’s a higher self in there just screaming to get out!

Communication was limited at best from the start.  I wanted complete honesty, he was determined to keep his secrets.  He admitted to being hypersensitive....overreacting to some innocuous remark by me or reading something into an inflection in my voice.  Of course, I had my own issues.  I was terribly insecure and anxiety-ridden in this relationship.  What the hell was I doing?

And then we’d travel to California, Hawaii (twice in one year), Florida, Atlanta, Charleston, Boston.  Traveling together was probably what we did best.  We’d play bridge and sightsee....always taking advantage of the midnight whirlpool.  Camping in Lily Dale, New York was invigorating....I hadn’t camped in probably 40 years and found I loved it even when the inevitable downpour threatened our good spirits.  We just laughed, threw everything in the truck and took to the road.

I fell in love with Maui.  Sad to say, it has bittersweet memories for me.  The first trip he was in love with someone else who was jealous that I was with him on Valentine’s Day; a complete joke since he had never even ventured into a Hallmark store, much less gifted me with anything.  The second trip we quarreled and he announced he would not be changing his plans....I would not be going to his son’s wedding.

I almost got on the next plane home.  But, I didn’t and, instead, we planned our trip to Hana, the 52 mile road with over 620 curves.  The scenery through the rainforest was breathtaking and I found the most pristine beach that I meditate on now daily, hoping to get back someday.

Oh, did I mention that his only good friend who lives in Lanai stayed with us on both trips?  Not a successful formula for romance.  I did say bittersweet, right?

But, I have to say I was quite the challenge myself.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve lost something critical to my well-being on a trip.

In Boston, I left my purse on the subway.  Of course, it had my cell phone in it.  I was panic-stricken...he was calm as calm could be.  Transportation officials looked for it...nowhere to be found.  Eventually, I phoned my son who reported that a woman in Cambridge had it and would bring it to the Copley the next day.  Phew, good karma.

In Sacramento, I left my wallet on the table in a restaurant after dinner.  I discovered it as we were leaving for the airport early the next morning.  No ID to get on the plane.  They actually accepted a magazine with my address on it.  Called the restaurant, they had it.  Fed-ex’d it the next day to me.  Good karma, thank you.  Again, he was calm and totally supportive.

In Orlando, my purse vanished along with my cell phone and ID in a convention room at the Marriott where hundreds of people were playing bridge in the national tournament.   By this time, I was smart enough to be carrying my passport in my suitcase.  Never got that purse back...had to buy another iPhone....good karma ran out.  But, he was as loving as he could be.  After that trip, he was in charge of my purse.

About four weeks into the ‘living together’ arrangement after our return from Hawaii and my return from my daughter’s wedding, he announced he was too tired.  He needed more sleep, nights without me....especially, Friday night.  He needed more time on his own.

He was bitter that he was not invited to attend my daughter’s wedding.  She read this blog and knew his presence would mar her day.  I was once told in a reading that she came into this life with all her past lives lessons learned.  Oh, yeah....that is definitely my girl!

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness."  The unraveling continues.