What About Sammy?

I’m soul searching here....can I be or should I be in a committed relationship with John?

Yes, I Looove him, but the communication problems loom large.  Off the cuff remarks are ‘attacks’...expressing my displeasure is going ‘ballistic’....there is this hypersensitivity that inhibits honest dialogue.

Then there is the lifestyle he espouses....the polyamorous life where everybody loves everybody...somehow, this is not ringing reality for me.  BUT...I am maintaining an open mind, while sleeping with one eye open.

I continue seeing Sammy.  As you know, I am not particularly keen on people in psychology.  I think the overwhelming majority of them go into it because they have deep seated problems themselves.

Susan, my psychotherapist, is my #1 exception.  I absolutely believe in her....she will be direct with me but not judgmental, plus she’s been in a healthy, loving relationship for decades.  I feel safe with her.

But, back to Sammy.  He’s got the Ph.D. from Johns Hopkins in Psychology and is a psych professor in Miami.  But, you know all that.  I am not impressed by any of that because of my inherent resistance to psych people.  He has to prove he’s genuinely sane!

So, I test him.  I finally get the nerve to ask him why his two long-term relationships went belly up.  He didn’t bat an eyelash.  Over an hour....I timed him...he spoke openly about how he and his first wife grew apart.  They had married very young and, eventually, she wanted to spread her wings and become independent.  His take was that he had always supported her growth, but was resistant to ending the marriage.  They ended amicably and are friends today.  That’s a huge plus in my book!!

He then married a colleague....so there was not that lack of commonality.  Which was the problem.  Too much togetherness.  Not enough to sustain them outside of the office.  She was 10 years younger and, evidently, that added to the lack of sustainability.  Don’t ask me....I’m just saying.

And, even though he still lives in Miami, he’s in Maryland a lot!  He just bought a house in Pennsylvania just over the Maryland border so he could be closer to his daughters when he retires next year.

I call him the luckiest guy in America.  Why?  He was so worried about carrying three mortgages...the Pennsylvania house, the Virginia cabin and the South Beach condo.  Well, the cabin sold in three days and the condo sold in three weeks.  Closings all happening within a month.  Do you think the gods are with him or what?!

He has wanted me to send him pieces of my writing since we met.  I finally sent him a few of my blog posts.  Intrigued, he asked, “How do I fare in your writing?”

I respond, “Incredibly well.  You’re one of the few survivors.”