He's a Man

Okay, I know some of you found the question--What did your husband die of?--perfectly natural.  And, you found his reaction--SHOCK--also perfectly natural.  Fine.  Agree, but you're not living my life.  The question and response defines the future of the relationship.  It weeds the men from the boys.

So, on a Thursday afternoon, I'm meeting Sammy to find out the answer.  I'm sitting at the patio outside Wegman's, a Gucci supermarket for those not in the know.  He's late.  2 for 2.  Can that be a good sign?

I have an hour and a half until I have to leave for my Hospice Volunteer Training session.  I'm patient.  I'm rehearsed, thanks to my dear therapist.  It's a warm, crisp day.  I'm meditating in the sun.

Ahhh, there he is.  He's casual, smiling.  He looks even better the second time.  He starts in on the traffic, the weather.  He's terrible at chit chat.  Susan was right about that.  I wait, pleasantly, giving away nothing.

Finally, he gets to it.  In the mid 80s, he worked as a counselor at an AIDS clinic in Miami.  There wasn't much hope to mete out back then....no meds, no magic cocktails.  (Tell me about it!)  Evidently, he didn't last long.

"I had to process what you told me.  I haven't known anyone who was so close to someone with AIDS."  (Good God, I don't dare tell you about the rest of my family....we have been hit hard by this disease.)

"I confess it took me by surprise.  I just thought it was a natural question and I never thought that would be the response.  You're right, of course about the blood to blood transmission and there are people who escape it.  And, obviously, you're one."

"I want to apologize to you for my reaction.  All I can say is that you must be a very strong person to go through that."

Wow, I'm thinking, Susan was perfect.  Did she nail you!  "I'm guessing he would've worked through the angles and come to some conclusions.  I'm thinking he's feeling chagrinned about how he reacted and wants to explain himself."

I thank him and he asks if I'd like some coffee and we drink and continue on our fledgling journey.  Later, he asks if I'd like to join him for a hike and dinner at the Shenandoah National Park next week.
You betcha!

He's a man.