Apologies to Edith

I confess to seeing John, Edith's son.  Edith came to John and me through a medium at the spiritualist church and who made it clear that she preferred my path to his, the world of polyamory.

I confess to not only understanding but also being attracted to the concept of polyamory.  Is it possible to love more than one child?  of course.  Is it possible to love more than one friend?  Of course.

But, the reality as opposed to the concept does not appeal to me at all.  In my world, it's a giant step backwards.  I lived in communes, "loving" multiple people.  I will add that I was on a never ending roller coaster of emotions that evoked the very worst in me.

This, I am not proud of.  Years ago, one of my lovers told me about a liaison he had and I cut up all his clothes, tossed them outside in the snow and covered them with our dinner.  His actions were provoked by my own affair and, strangely enough, we stayed together for the short haul, at least.

I'm a little more mature these days, and drama no longer interests me.  Of course, John would challenge my truth, arguing that I could grow deeper through confronting jealousy.  But, why?  Quite frankly, I would rather walk away and leave those dramas to others.  Let me put my energies into being a hospice volunteer or reading metaphysics or writing poetry or deepening my friendships.

Most of my loves burst into a bright flame of early attraction and extinguished just as quickly.  The greatest love I ever knew was calm, true, devoid of drama, constant and based on trust and friendship.

I am talking about my late husband, who died of AIDS.  And, I know you're asking, how could that relationship be devoid of drama?  If that's not drama, what is?  I understand your question, but there was no drama because of the complete devotion we had to each other.  Friends asked me if I was going to leave him when they learned he was ill.  How strange, i thought.  Would he leave me if I was sick?  Never.  Is there a greater gift than helping someone prepare for the afterlife?

I had a past; he had a past.  We accepted that and moved into the future together with a Great Faith that eclipsed all the tragedy that confronted our carefully constructed cocoon.  The Great Faith triumphed.

So, Edith, I know you're here, I love your presence, I know you're trying, but I'm raising my vibration.