Meet Your New Matches

Every morning I wake up to the DING on my smart phone.  "Meet Your New Matches."  Today, it's ROCKABILLEE!  Not kidding.  I check him out.  Yep, straight out of Appalachia.  This is his come on.
"I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world but look better in person and I could write a bunch of bull about myself but that's just me."  Then, I scroll down to the personality questions.  Are you patient?  His answer:  A little patient.  I see we're not exactly on the spiritual growth path yet.  DELETE.

Yesterday, it was FUNRAY60.  He describes himself as very good looking but based on his picture, I guess he looks better in person, just like Rockabillee.  He's divorced, has 5 children and he's "looking for friendship."  I scroll down.
A little about me...
Tall, dark and handsome guy who enjoys the finer things in life...red wine, walking on the beach at night, star gazing.  (Good, so far, right?)  Very intense and passionate...seeks an uninhibited lady.  (Uh Oh)
What are you looking for in a partner?
A submissive and passionate lady rings my bell. (SUBMISSIVE?  Isn't this 2011?!)
I'd just like to add...
Come on this journey of lust and passion with me.  (Wasn't he looking for "friendship'?)
Good grief, I'm gagging here.  DELETE.

These guys are from the same online dating site that matched me with James Michael Collins, my favorite Nigerian scammer.  I move on to the more uptown site.

Three new guys:  Bill, Dinkar and J.  J?  There's a fascinating name.  I look up J.  A very liberal guy living in West Virginia.  Really.
"The land here is like in the movie, The Floating Mountains of Pandora. (Never heard of it.)  Half hour to ski slopes, rivers, parks, mountains, caves, biking, lakes, fishing, hunting, white water rafting, pristine beauty in every direction.  Awe inspiring.  Please come by and visit."  I keep reading.
"Any smart women out there?  Bring it on.  I like to relax, laugh and enjoy romance.  Please come by and visit."  (I guess the mountain must come to Muhammad.  It gets better.)
"I try to be honest and caring and centered in reality.  Even though some would question my sanity, I am not a sociopath, a stalker, psychopath, violent person, liar, bigot or racist.  I might be a BIT OF A PIG, though."  Caps are mine.  Yeah, I'm really turned by a pig.
What does he look like?  Rockabillee is a dreamboat by comparison.  Guess J looks better in person, also.  DELETE.

Bill, a mechanical engineer, finds Las Vegas "therapeutic."  There are a lot of descriptors for Las Vegas..therapeutic isn't one of them.  At least, for me.  Dinkar says one of the most influential persons in his life was his ex-wife.  She's probably way more interesting than Dinkar plus Dinkar's in New Jersey and has no photo.

You get the picture...more DELETES.  But, remember, I promised I would have an open mind, be positive, not immediately push that delete button.  I'm working on that.

DING!  We are pleased to introduce today's match:  Tom from Alexandria, Virginia.  Okay, Tom, let me check you out!