You Deserve It All

Tuesday morning.  Another session with Susan.  Let's have an update, she says.  I tell her about Rockabillee, Funray and J.  I'm discouraged.  I'm on three dating sites, not feeling it, trying to stay optimistic.  Too many out of state matches.  You should complain, she says.  Join another site and don't do it for more than 30 minutes daily.  Dr. Diana says, "Stay open minded, mow them down and don't look back, get through it.  There will be plenty of good ones."

I tell her Miami Sammy's coming to town on Wednesday and we have a lunch date on Friday.
Have you guys been in touch?
Practically every day; our emails are easy reads,  not getting into heavy stuff.
Have you talked to him?
Not yet.
What?
I sent him my cell number today.
That's because you knew I was going to get on your case.  Did you invite him for a conversation?
No.  He's coming soon anyway.
But, a voice could make the difference in the attraction department.
Okay.  I'll work on it.

He emailed me today and included his number, so I invited him to call me while I'm driving to New England on Saturday.  CHECK.  Susan will be proud.  I'm terrified.

Back to therapy.  I tell her Harley's still sending me viruses everyday and we're going to play golf when it warms up.
How far is he from you?
Just over an hour.
That's doable.  If you had a spark, you could make it happen.  You're not putting out much of an effort and that's fine.

Today?  I got Harley's daily virus and another email asking me if I want to ride with him on his Harley.  OMG!  I tell him I've never been a biker chick but I could add it to my resume.

I tell Susan the story about going to the spiritualist service with John and his mother coming through to tell me she applauds my path.
Nooooo, Susan emotes, I am sorry to hear about a mom stressing about her son even in the afterlife.  It just never ends, does it?  Is he still in your heart?
Yes, but the balance of power has shifted.
He has a lot of catching up to do; even his Mom's trying to help him.  Is he your equal?
Not yet.
But could be at some point?
Possibly.
He's older and could be a fast grower.  But, this underscores the fact that you need to go and gather a couple of fellows.  You will be much stronger if you have that balance.  You have such incredible power; you need someone with the same joi de vivre.  You need the directness with humor, someone's who hot.  Not that many men deserve you.  You need someone who will challenge you mentally, someone who is funny as shit.  It's not going to be easy to find your match, but we're working on it.

Did I tell you I LOVE THIS WOMAN?!

Did you do your homework?  Okay, Life Dancer, what is the adjective you chose to describe you?
Glorious Life Dancer.
That's beautiful.

Repeat five times for me:  "I deserve it all."