Dwayne

Dwayne from Virginia, 40 miles away.  I'm keeping an open mind here about the distance.  Hey, if he's the love of my life, what do I care how far it is?

He looked good, rather handsome, in pretty decent shape.  He likes working out everyday...so do I--
MATCH!  There, in the profile, is the mundane.  I'm a caring communicator with a sense of humor.  Okay,  blah, blah, blah.

Then it got very interesting...
Q:  What is the one thing I wish people would notice about me?
A:  I have very sexy toes.
Q:  What is some additional information you would like people to know about you?
A:  I'm right handed, I hook rugs.  I've never ironed in my life.
Q:  How do you spend your leisure time?
A:  Walking, computer activities...oh, wait.  Didn't I answer these questions already?  OK, let me think of some more...museums and uh...sports..no, said that earlier..uhhh.  TOY TRAINS, Ok, that's a lie, but
it hit my brain.  Welcome to my warped world!

Of course, you know what I'm thinking.  Cool, out of the box, creative, humorous.  I'm going to Wink this guy.  He Winks back within five minutes.  Of course, I'm way too cool to respond right away.  I wait a day.  I send him an email challenging him to a sexy toes contest, which I know I'm going to win.  Literally 10 minutes later he sends me his real email address and his phone number, saying he's up and to call him if I got the message.  As you know by now, I'm way too cool to call right away.

But, I did the next night.  He had a thick southern accent, said he was Jewish and that he'd never lived outside of Virginia.  He said the distance between us is too great and would I consider moving to Virginia?  WHAT???!!  Did I just hear that right?  I'm still trying to reconcile the accent and being Jewish.  Seriously, I've up and down the East Coast, almost married a Jewish guy, have dozens of Jewish friends and have never heard a thick southern accent coming from any of them.  But, let's plod on.  I laugh at him.

He asks me about my politics.  I'm a flaming liberal, I reply.  Ohhhh, he starts in a condescending tone.  I used to be like you.  Then, he starts with the Obama bashing, the worst President ever.  Worse than George Bush? I counter.  At least, Bush was a nice person, he says.  Oh, boy, we're into it now.
But, then just as quick, he rants about the Republicans being dominated by the fundamentalist Christians, the NRA and Rush Limbaugh.

From there, he digresses to his ten year relationship that ended two years ago because her family and friends ran her life (They did not like him!).  Then, he moves on to this rambling story about how he was fired from the Federal Government...not easy to do...he was "set up."  Yeah.

This completely negative and rage-filled craziness goes on for 20 minutes.  I decide he's AGGRESSIVE REPULSIVE with absolutely no sense of humor.

One last question, he interjects, how did I do?  I demure, saying I have to get up early in the morning.

All I'm thinking is OMG, he has my phone number!!!  DO NOT CALL ME!!!!