The Hazards of Dating Me

As you know, I followed the suggestion by Sandra Anne Taylor from her book, The Truth About Attraction, to pray every night for what you are looking for in a life partner.  If you are looking for a short-term or uncommitted relationship, there’s no need to do this.  You’ll get whatever comes your way.  I know all about that!

I decided I wanted three things:
Unconditional acceptance...please don’t try to change me into someone you want...too old and too late for that.
Open and honest communication.  Is that really so impossible?  I don’t even care if I take umbrage to it, just be out there....then let me decide if I want to deal with you or not....and vice versa.
A good bridge partner.  He doesn’t have to be world class...just capable of being world class.  Okay, that’s a joke.  I’m certainly not world class but just to have a partner I could communicate well with would be a gift.  Someone on the same page and who is as competitive as me would seal the deal.

When I started praying, I didn’t expect immediate results.  Or any results at all.  The truth of the matter is that I was perfectly happy being me...if someone came along, I’d be happy and if someone didn’t, I’d still be happy.

I always read that that’s when your soulmate walks into your life....when you’re not even looking.  I’ve been pretty skeptical of that old adage but it’s actually happened to me.  Twenty years ago, my husband materialized as a reporter and smoothly coaxed me into being a source for his investigative reporting on urban education.  Then, he coaxed me into being his best friend and two years later, his wife.

And, now I’m wondering if it’s happened again.  Except, this time there are two of them.  I’m certainly not at all sure if either of them would be a soulmate for me but life is for learning, right?

It has to be someone I can support...someone who I don’t want to change.  Likes attract likes, but no one is going to line up exactly.  Especially, now, when we’re carrying years of baggage from failed or unsatisfying relationships.

One of them, Rick, is a flaming liberal (check!), extremely altruistic, volunteers for everything under the sun...soup kitchen, rides for the elderly, theatre usher.  He has an ironic sense of humor.  He takes me on stimulating dates and pays just like in the old days. He plays bridge but it’s not his thing. The good news is we were both in happy marriages...the bad news is we both lost our spouses to lengthy illnesses.  I’ve had years to recover and he’s had only a few months.

The other, Jim, is an amazing father to five kids and six grandchildren...much of the raising he did on his own.  He had to find his softer side because he has a tendency to be regimented.  But, there’s also a fiery side that gets eclipsed by his fear of letting his heart go.  He’s a libertarian...an avid Ron Paul supporter....but, who could disagree on his stance on warmongering?  He’s a serious bridge player...even more than me.  We can talk for hours yet silence is also comfortable.  He’s a huge movie buff....a definite kindred spirit there.  He is a philosopher, a classical music devotee, well read. He’s one of the most independent men I’ve known yet he can’t live without affection.  Interesting, huh?

I think they both, at least at this point, accept who I am....even if they don’t agree with my politics or my thinking on spiritualism.  At least, they respect me. There is open communication but how open remains to be seen....everyone has areas they’re not willing to talk about until there’s a solid trust level established.

You’re probably thinking how nuts I am to try to rate them when they’re both obviously good men.  And, how crazy to rate them based on playing bridge?!  I know, you’re so right...that is so trivial...but it’s something I just love to do and I travel all over the country doing it.  So, I need that compatibility.

I like them both.  But, there was an unfortunate incident a couple of weeks ago.  Rick had come to my house and I was driving him to play in a bridge game.  He was waiting for me outside and I opened the garage door, started the ignition and backed up....
RUNNING HIM OVER!!!  I screamed my head off!

Amazingly, he was just badly bruised and I was horribly mortified.  He was in Banjo School in North Carolina last week mulling over the hazards of dating me.

I may be down to one.