Epilogue

Over a year and 80 posts ago, I started this blog, 60 Year Old Female Looking for Mr. Right.  I want to thank my friends and readers for taking this roller coaster with me.  I had no idea where I was headed but just sensed that there were others out there like me who might relate or, at the very least laugh, at my foibles.

I had just left a less than satisfying relationship and wanted to see what was out there.  Yeah, I signed up for eHarmony, Match, Senior Meet People and God knows how many others.  If I met the love of my life, wouldn’t the price seem paltry in the end?

And, boy, did I get my share of matches.  I got Michael Collins who professed his undying love for me after losing his wife and son in a car accident.  He turned out to be a Nigerian scammer.  Then, there was Dwayne who turned out to be a paranoid, woman-hater in our first phone conversation...Do Not Call Me Ever Again were my last words to him.  There was the Big Kahuna who French kissed me on our first date in front of the American Film Institute Theatre in Silver Spring....DONE!  Nothing subtle about him.  I did like Sammy from Miami but long distance relationships are never ideal and I just never got a spark there.

I did my homework reading Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov and Love in 90 Days by Diana Kirschner....my two favorites!  Then, I went the spiritual route....Colette Baron-Reid’s online seminar on discovering your archetypes and Yehuda Berg’s The Spiritual Rules of Engagement.  One book absolutely changed my life, The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  It’s based on the law of attraction....what vibrations you send out are exactly what comes back to you.

And, I got my own therapist, Susan, who asked me all the tough questions and made me confront my demons.  Simultaneously, she evoked my most loving and vulnerable self.  You saw that up close and personal.

The online stuff wasn’t working for me....I got frustrated and decided to try my last relationship again.  You remember, the one who practiced polyamory and was in love with the beekeeper PSYCHO-therapist....emphasis intentional on psycho.  Of course, that was an exercise in futility even with the Hawaii vacations.  He just couldn’t keep it in his pants....had to go.  Even his mother in more than one reading told me to get rid of him.

Back to the drawing board....and, yet, I was fine.  What I didn’t need was a relationship where there was no trust and limited honesty.  WTF?  Limited honesty???!!  Does that make any sense?  Of course not.  But, that’s what I had settled for....pathetic!

So, I put it all out there.  I ranted and raged and vented and flushed it all out of my system.  I lost readers because they couldn’t take seeing me be so self-destructive staying in such an unhealthy relationship.  Hey, it was truly difficult for me to understand.  I offer no excuses.  But, it happened and it was my path.  Everything happens for a reason but, God knows, that’s not much of a comfort when you’re flailing around like a mad woman.  Of course, I was angry...especially, at myself.  But, forgiveness trumps all and that gave me the light I needed to emerge from the darkness.

Sandra Anne Taylor, author of The Truth About Attraction, inspired me to send a message or prayer before going to sleep about who I wanted in my life.  So, every night I asked for a man who was honest, loyal, intelligent, spiritual, communicative and a good bridge player.  Every night.  I kid you not.

And, there he was.  The man I played bridge with every Monday night for the past six months.  The man I met four years ago and slowly got to know as a friend.  The man I knew was never a player and never would be.  The man who uses the L word sparingly but meaningfully.  The man who took a leap of faith to commit to me.  The man who has a huge, but tender heart who I will never take for granted.  He is my dear friend and lover.

My son was feeling down recently because he hasn’t progressed career-wise as fast as he would’ve liked.  I listened.

Then, I said to him, “Be grateful.”  He replied, “You’re right.  I have so many blessings.”

I countered, “No.  That’s not what I mean.  We’re always grateful in the good times.  I mean be grateful for the bad times.  That’s when we dig deep within ourselves to overcome our circumstances and rise beyond them.  That’s when we experience our greatest spiritual, personal and, in your case, professional growth.”

And, that’s what happened for me.  I had to dig deep and trust in the Source.  Yeah, it’s a bit woo woo but it worked for me.  I’m eternally grateful.