Over a year and 80 posts ago, I started this blog, 60 Year Old Female Looking for Mr. Right. I want to thank my friends and readers for taking this roller coaster with me. I had no idea where I was headed but just sensed that there were others out there like me who might relate or, at the very least laugh, at my foibles.
I had just left a less than satisfying relationship and wanted to see what was out there. Yeah, I signed up for eHarmony, Match, Senior Meet People and God knows how many others. If I met the love of my life, wouldn’t the price seem paltry in the end?
And, boy, did I get my share of matches. I got Michael Collins who professed his undying love for me after losing his wife and son in a car accident. He turned out to be a Nigerian scammer. Then, there was Dwayne who turned out to be a paranoid, woman-hater in our first phone conversation...Do Not Call Me Ever Again were my last words to him. There was the Big Kahuna who French kissed me on our first date in front of the American Film Institute Theatre in Silver Spring....DONE! Nothing subtle about him. I did like Sammy from Miami but long distance relationships are never ideal and I just never got a spark there.
I did my homework reading Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov and Love in 90 Days by Diana Kirschner....my two favorites! Then, I went the spiritual route....Colette Baron-Reid’s online seminar on discovering your archetypes and Yehuda Berg’s The Spiritual Rules of Engagement. One book absolutely changed my life, The Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It’s based on the law of attraction....what vibrations you send out are exactly what comes back to you.
And, I got my own therapist, Susan, who asked me all the tough questions and made me confront my demons. Simultaneously, she evoked my most loving and vulnerable self. You saw that up close and personal.
The online stuff wasn’t working for me....I got frustrated and decided to try my last relationship again. You remember, the one who practiced polyamory and was in love with the beekeeper PSYCHO-therapist....emphasis intentional on psycho. Of course, that was an exercise in futility even with the Hawaii vacations. He just couldn’t keep it in his pants....had to go. Even his mother in more than one reading told me to get rid of him.
Back to the drawing board....and, yet, I was fine. What I didn’t need was a relationship where there was no trust and limited honesty. WTF? Limited honesty???!! Does that make any sense? Of course not. But, that’s what I had settled for....pathetic!
So, I put it all out there. I ranted and raged and vented and flushed it all out of my system. I lost readers because they couldn’t take seeing me be so self-destructive staying in such an unhealthy relationship. Hey, it was truly difficult for me to understand. I offer no excuses. But, it happened and it was my path. Everything happens for a reason but, God knows, that’s not much of a comfort when you’re flailing around like a mad woman. Of course, I was angry...especially, at myself. But, forgiveness trumps all and that gave me the light I needed to emerge from the darkness.
Sandra Anne Taylor, author of The Truth About Attraction, inspired me to send a message or prayer before going to sleep about who I wanted in my life. So, every night I asked for a man who was honest, loyal, intelligent, spiritual, communicative and a good bridge player. Every night. I kid you not.
And, there he was. The man I played bridge with every Monday night for the past six months. The man I met four years ago and slowly got to know as a friend. The man I knew was never a player and never would be. The man who uses the L word sparingly but meaningfully. The man who took a leap of faith to commit to me. The man who has a huge, but tender heart who I will never take for granted. He is my dear friend and lover.
My son was feeling down recently because he hasn’t progressed career-wise as fast as he would’ve liked. I listened.
Then, I said to him, “Be grateful.” He replied, “You’re right. I have so many blessings.”
I countered, “No. That’s not what I mean. We’re always grateful in the good times. I mean be grateful for the bad times. That’s when we dig deep within ourselves to overcome our circumstances and rise beyond them. That’s when we experience our greatest spiritual, personal and, in your case, professional growth.”
And, that’s what happened for me. I had to dig deep and trust in the Source. Yeah, it’s a bit woo woo but it worked for me. I’m eternally grateful.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Jim
Seriously, couldn’t you guess Mr. Wonderful was Jim? Two weeks on the road? C’mon now.... Two weeks of the best bridge we ever played. Two weeks of hot tubbing at midnight. Two weeks of laughing ourselves silly in the middle of the night.
Yeah...it was him...four years of eyeing each other. I told Rick we had known each other for that long. His response? “Geez...I wouldn’t have even waited for J Lo for four years.”
Sixteen years of being a widow for me. Twelve years of being divorced for him. We both had kids to raise and jobs to focus on. There was no time for relationships. You can’t bring just anyone into your family. I think it makes kids insecure. Who is this person and what impact is this going to have on me? Anyway, for him and for me, it just never seemed the right thing to do.
This was a slow to boil relationship. We had both just gotten out of relationships and were not looking to jump into another one. Mainly, we met for hot chocolate, a drink or a movie and talked for hours.
What were our non-negotiables? Loyalty and honesty. Complete honesty. Not a need-to-know honesty. I may not like it but just tell me. Same for him. Cheating is not an option. There has to be trust. We’re both independent people with our own routines. We’re not together 24/7. We both know when we are not together, there is nothing to worry about.
He says he’s dull. I say, “Thank God!” He’s stable, he’s steady, he rights my listing ship when I need it. On our last trip, I lost my cell phone twice, my hairbrush for days, my keys, my bank card....I’m not kidding. This is me. This is what I do. I’m not happy about it but it invariably happens. Of course, he found everything and still smiles at me.
Our politics are different. I’m the flaming liberal, he’s the libertarian a la Ron Paul style. I always thought I’d have to have a clone of me, but I understand his thinking and he respects mine. Our values are solid down the line. We are family people first. He adores his kids and grandkids and same for me.
We both think about leaving the suburbs and moving into Baltimore where life is livelier and we can walk everywhere. We also aspire to be beach bums so Florida winters could be on the horizon.
We’re both readers...poring through every section of the Washington Post daily. We love the movies...although I’m more of a movie snob than he is. He’ll go to movies I wouldn’t dream of seeing. He wanted me to see “Act of Valor” with him today...don’t think so...way too much violence. But, we’ll meet at our favorite Portuguese restaurant afterwards.
He’s a sugar addict, not inclined to eat his vegetables, but he runs and works out every day. I swear he’ll live twenty years longer than me who eschews sugar (except for chocolate) and could easily be a vegetarian. I watch every calorie and he eats enough for two men and never gains a pound.
My absolute best relationships have been rock steady. I abhor the drama that accompanies roller coaster relationships. The ups, the downs, the angst. No, thank you. Enough of that. Of course, I should’ve figured that out a couple of years ago before things got so weird with John but I didn’t.
I asked Jim a couple of nights ago, “You couldn’t have rescued me earlier?” “You weren’t ready,” he replied. I guess he’s right. Everything happens the way it’s supposed to according to the masters.
This has been an easy relationship. We are friends first. We care deeply about each other. We respect each other’s desire for solitude but also love our time together. We share a love for travel, music, arts and we are each other’s best bridge partner.
I don’t know how long it will last. It’s early. Time will tell. I have a good feeling. I tell him I’m the happiest girl in America. He laughs at me.
But, I truly mean it. Today, I am the happiest girl in America!
Yeah...it was him...four years of eyeing each other. I told Rick we had known each other for that long. His response? “Geez...I wouldn’t have even waited for J Lo for four years.”
Sixteen years of being a widow for me. Twelve years of being divorced for him. We both had kids to raise and jobs to focus on. There was no time for relationships. You can’t bring just anyone into your family. I think it makes kids insecure. Who is this person and what impact is this going to have on me? Anyway, for him and for me, it just never seemed the right thing to do.
This was a slow to boil relationship. We had both just gotten out of relationships and were not looking to jump into another one. Mainly, we met for hot chocolate, a drink or a movie and talked for hours.
What were our non-negotiables? Loyalty and honesty. Complete honesty. Not a need-to-know honesty. I may not like it but just tell me. Same for him. Cheating is not an option. There has to be trust. We’re both independent people with our own routines. We’re not together 24/7. We both know when we are not together, there is nothing to worry about.
He says he’s dull. I say, “Thank God!” He’s stable, he’s steady, he rights my listing ship when I need it. On our last trip, I lost my cell phone twice, my hairbrush for days, my keys, my bank card....I’m not kidding. This is me. This is what I do. I’m not happy about it but it invariably happens. Of course, he found everything and still smiles at me.
Our politics are different. I’m the flaming liberal, he’s the libertarian a la Ron Paul style. I always thought I’d have to have a clone of me, but I understand his thinking and he respects mine. Our values are solid down the line. We are family people first. He adores his kids and grandkids and same for me.
We both think about leaving the suburbs and moving into Baltimore where life is livelier and we can walk everywhere. We also aspire to be beach bums so Florida winters could be on the horizon.
We’re both readers...poring through every section of the Washington Post daily. We love the movies...although I’m more of a movie snob than he is. He’ll go to movies I wouldn’t dream of seeing. He wanted me to see “Act of Valor” with him today...don’t think so...way too much violence. But, we’ll meet at our favorite Portuguese restaurant afterwards.
He’s a sugar addict, not inclined to eat his vegetables, but he runs and works out every day. I swear he’ll live twenty years longer than me who eschews sugar (except for chocolate) and could easily be a vegetarian. I watch every calorie and he eats enough for two men and never gains a pound.
My absolute best relationships have been rock steady. I abhor the drama that accompanies roller coaster relationships. The ups, the downs, the angst. No, thank you. Enough of that. Of course, I should’ve figured that out a couple of years ago before things got so weird with John but I didn’t.
I asked Jim a couple of nights ago, “You couldn’t have rescued me earlier?” “You weren’t ready,” he replied. I guess he’s right. Everything happens the way it’s supposed to according to the masters.
This has been an easy relationship. We are friends first. We care deeply about each other. We respect each other’s desire for solitude but also love our time together. We share a love for travel, music, arts and we are each other’s best bridge partner.
I don’t know how long it will last. It’s early. Time will tell. I have a good feeling. I tell him I’m the happiest girl in America. He laughs at me.
But, I truly mean it. Today, I am the happiest girl in America!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Mr. Wonderful
Several years ago, my cousin, Jonny, gave me a Mr. Wonderful doll for Christmas. I had no idea what a hit Mr. Wonderful was making around the country. He was a hunky male who, when his palm was pressed, uttered phrases like, “Let’s just cuddle tonight.”
Or “Actually, I’m not sure which way to go. I’ll turn in here and ask for directions.”
“Honey, why don’t you just relax and let me make dinner tonight” or “Can your mother stay another week?”
Hilarious, right?? NOT. Obviously, I didn’t have a Mr. Wonderful nor was one coming any time soon. What’s wrong with just cuddling or asking for directions or making dinner? Forget the one about my mother staying for another week....even I would have to veto that!
But, if I had a guy who came home and said, “Honey, you’ve been on my mind all day. That’s why I bought you these flowers,” I would be his adoring slave FOREVER!!! Of course, that would be after he brought me back to consciousness.
But, as we know, men and women are just wired differently. Really? I have to say I’m being challenged in that belief. Perhaps, we’re not all that different after all.
Maybe, it’s that each of us is unique with our little idiosyncrasies that develop over a lifetime. Maybe, it’s not so much about being a male or a female.
Maybe, it’s more about finding the person who makes life a little easier, a little more fun, a little more meaningful. Finding the person who you can’t wait to share your piece of news with. Or the person who makes you feel completely content just sitting next to him.
As you know, I’m writing this in my 60s. I’ve been independent for 16 years...sometimes, happily so and, sometimes, reluctantly. I don’t think, though, that I ever lost that joy for life....the ability to wake up happy every morning and look forward to whatever the day brings. I don’t think being single made me think my life was terribly lacking in any way. But, doesn’t a great love bring us closer to our higher selves?
When I was 18, I read Gibran just like every college freshman and his writing on Sorrow really stuck with me. In fact, it’s been my mantra for life: “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy it can contain.”
There has been great sorrow in my life....almost always followed by great joy....the yin and the yang. You just can’t have one without the other.
And, so I’ve waited and waited....sixteen years...for the great joy that follows the great sorrow. Lots of mis-steps, false starts, abrupt endings, unsatisfying couplings.
But, lately, I've started hearing things like....
“Mmmm....you look so beautiful in the morning.”
“You know, I think it’s really important that we talk about our relationship. Tell me whatever you’re feeling. I believe in total honesty.”
OH MY GOD!!!! HE’S HERE!!! MR. WONDERFUL IS HERE!!!
Or “Actually, I’m not sure which way to go. I’ll turn in here and ask for directions.”
“Honey, why don’t you just relax and let me make dinner tonight” or “Can your mother stay another week?”
Hilarious, right?? NOT. Obviously, I didn’t have a Mr. Wonderful nor was one coming any time soon. What’s wrong with just cuddling or asking for directions or making dinner? Forget the one about my mother staying for another week....even I would have to veto that!
But, if I had a guy who came home and said, “Honey, you’ve been on my mind all day. That’s why I bought you these flowers,” I would be his adoring slave FOREVER!!! Of course, that would be after he brought me back to consciousness.
But, as we know, men and women are just wired differently. Really? I have to say I’m being challenged in that belief. Perhaps, we’re not all that different after all.
Maybe, it’s that each of us is unique with our little idiosyncrasies that develop over a lifetime. Maybe, it’s not so much about being a male or a female.
Maybe, it’s more about finding the person who makes life a little easier, a little more fun, a little more meaningful. Finding the person who you can’t wait to share your piece of news with. Or the person who makes you feel completely content just sitting next to him.
As you know, I’m writing this in my 60s. I’ve been independent for 16 years...sometimes, happily so and, sometimes, reluctantly. I don’t think, though, that I ever lost that joy for life....the ability to wake up happy every morning and look forward to whatever the day brings. I don’t think being single made me think my life was terribly lacking in any way. But, doesn’t a great love bring us closer to our higher selves?
When I was 18, I read Gibran just like every college freshman and his writing on Sorrow really stuck with me. In fact, it’s been my mantra for life: “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy it can contain.”
There has been great sorrow in my life....almost always followed by great joy....the yin and the yang. You just can’t have one without the other.
And, so I’ve waited and waited....sixteen years...for the great joy that follows the great sorrow. Lots of mis-steps, false starts, abrupt endings, unsatisfying couplings.
But, lately, I've started hearing things like....
“Mmmm....you look so beautiful in the morning.”
“You know, I think it’s really important that we talk about our relationship. Tell me whatever you’re feeling. I believe in total honesty.”
OH MY GOD!!!! HE’S HERE!!! MR. WONDERFUL IS HERE!!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)